Yes it is

Only to a point.

I mean there's a difference between "I escaped when I was 18, my parents kept me in a cage, fed me only dog food, and I was beaten and molested constantly. Now at 23, having achieved an education, a career, and independence while also working with a therapist, I find it difficult to date due to my past experiences. Being alone, vulnerable, around people I don't really know, I just can't handle it."

And, "why do I seem like a loser psycho magnet? All I seem to date are these narcissistic emotionally abusive people. All my partners keep cheating on me.
I was with this one person for 10 years and all they did was constantly cheat on me, or gaslight me, or mentally/physically/emotionally abuse me!"

Some "such level of insecurity" happens, but is actually rather rare, at the very least you won't really find them on dating sites.
IMO/IME most people that are "too insecure" due to past relationships and dating are right where they want to be, where they've put themselves due to their choices. They are getting what they want.

They aren't insecure, they're irresponsible.
Their "insecurity" is simply a tool they're using to avoid having to be responsible for their own choices.

You know how children learn to manipulate automatic responses from parents?
They cry, scream, whine, plead, throw tantrums, present "sad puppy dog eyes?" huff, and puff, and sigh as teenagers?
You ever take a kid to see puppies and their voice changes, gets higher, and they're all "I promise I'll clean my room and take care of them!"
You ever date a woman and find instances where they start speaking in baby talk? Or just how people start talking in baby talk when speaking to babies?

Everyone has nature given instincts on how to behave towards people. Men, women, children, authority, mom, dad.

In this thread you're referring to women specifically, even though it doesn't necessarily need to be gendered.

A lot of women get into a routine of victimizing themselves in order to be more successful at manipulating a protective response from others.

Forcing someone else to accept responsibility, while maintaining authority.

"I get what I want, you pay for it."
"Oh, sorry I can't give you what you want, you see I'm a victim, I'm sad, insecure, whatever. But you can go ahead and keep giving me what I want. Chase me, validate me, friends first, stay on the backburner, pay for stuff, pull me out of my shell, provide a relationship that benefits me.
Of course I will never say this or think too deep on it as it might trigger something scary, but as soon as you hint at reciprocity or more than what immediately benefits me? Demand anything from me? Consideration, respect, acceptance, sex, love, communication, whatever...well, it's the fault of my past experience, my insecurity, my victimhood, which keeps me from giving you what you want.
Not me! Not my fault! It's my past. Oh. And if you don't keep giving me what I want without reciprocity? If you hold my past against me as I am using it as a shield? Then you're the a-hole."


So "Why do..ladies find it hard to break down these proverbial walls they’ve got stopping them from anything she ought to reach out to?"
They don't need to until it stops getting them what they want.
The only time that they will is going to be when:
1. The cost is too high and it's causing them to lose what they (really) want/have.
2. There is a high enough perceived reward for an alternative strategy.



This left me in a mood ever since I read 🥺.
Don’t give up, there’s still love for you out there. Even though I got less experience myself in this areas of life, I still feel that, for what it’s worth, Don’t change cause you want to be loved by others. Stay real, and everything true will come knocking. Thanks for sharing🤍

Thanks Blondey111
Fr I just feel sad knowing that others hurt.

Thanks Tom
I apologize if I made anyone feel bad with my way of putting the question together. I’m sorry
For everyone that’s been hurt, and for everyone who’s been through pains or had a sad experience in the past. I only meant to seek, so I could find some answers to my inner questions. I’m sorry.

Thanks RockGnome
Well Noted

I just made this post to gain some knowledge. And your right, bout the first question.

Would you agree with me that Past experiences can also lead to such level of insecurity whereby everyone gets scared of embarking on a journey that ones left a scar more than once?

Why do most ladies find it hard to break down these proverbial walls they’ve got stopping them from anything she ought to reach out to?