Eh...don't sweat it. Everytime that happens, you should be happy.

You've just eliminated another flake or incompatible person from your list.

To quote a man far wiser than I, a Stoic (as in the discipline) philosopher:



In short, by putting less importance on your expectations (Hey, if I email this chick, she'll email me, then I'll email her, then we'll be happy ever after) that is unfortunately common in situations like this, you free yourself up from the disappointment.

If you approach each new attempt at contact as just that, and not inject your wishes and expectations, you won't find yourself as disappointed as often.

When you send off an email, forget the person you just sent it to unless you get a reply back. If the two of you are incompatible (or emotionally unavailable), thank them, say good-bye and move on.

Asking why this, or howcome that really doesn't accomplish anything but further frustration. Wondering why someone isn't interested enough in you to respond is rather pointless. Knowing why won't make a whit of difference.

Just be glad you eliminated a rude and/or flakey person from your list of possibilities and move on.

You have a responsibility to yourself to do as your conscience dictates.

Getting between them unasked to settle their dispute is incorrect. However, you need to deal with your part in this whole little saga and it only has something to do with them superficially.

From what I've read, it sounds like you and Greg have some talking to be done. It sounds like you're questioning whether you should continue to be friends with him or not. If that's the case, you owe it to Greg to lay your concerns out and allow him to address them.

If your personal sense of ethics won't allow you to be friends with someone who acts as Greg does, then you do have a reason to become involved with it, however only as far as it goes with you.

At this point, you've neither the right or responsibility to get involved with the relationship between Greg and Tom. You do have the right and responsibility to yourself to address the relationship you have with Gret.

Wait, wait, what....you didn't go?

That's really normal!



Nothing like a good hangover to clear the feelings of lost-love from your head...at least for a few hours. :)

Are you comfortable with being alone, or do you feel like you "need" someone?

Go hit the club this weekend. Don't go looking for a guy, or looking to get hooked up. Just go have fun.

Yup, and well...you're going to go somewhere...I think the bathroom is the least objectionable place.

I mean, really, it's not like only one gender takes a crap.

Sure. Why not?

This too shall pass.

Blissfully single.

You're on the internet, isn't that what it's made for?

Could be some of each. Could be that some guys aren't taking anything too seriously here. Could be that you're wanting to move too fast (for them). Could be all of the above.

If you're really thinking you might be wanting to fall in love too quickly, that might very well be true. Might be worth some self-examination as far as why.

But now might not be the best time. You're going through a rough patch right now and that will color your self-perceptions. Take some time, live your life, spend some time just being you and when things are "better", maybe take a look to see why you feel as you do.

Familiar with the phrase "Fake it till you make it"?

REALLY, that's what the whole game is all about. Mystery Method, Cocky/Funny, Neil Strauss' Annihilation, etc is primarily about fake it till you make it.

Why do you think so many people disagree on the best "Method" even within the PUA community? It's because, unlike many things in life, it's the destination, not the journey that matters.

But, you must go through the journey.

Your average guy who has problems with women didn't get "something" when they were younger. They got gunshy from being turned down, and rather than going out and facing their problem they retreated.

Or maybe, they just got fed bad information - kept trying in the weenie-mama's boy, do-whatever-she-wants way and eventually gave up.

Maybe they just didn't grow up with a strong male role-model around...with America's divorce rate up over 50%, this happens more often than not.

Whatever it is, the person didn't get what they needed to learn to deal with women. Now, they want to make up for lost time, lost opportunities, but are doing so with the hangups they've gained over the years.

Men, in general, are a process driven group of humans. We like to have a plan, a method, of doing things. We feel more comfortable if we have a laid-out plan of attacks, so to speak.

What all of these PUA methods do is help us get over the anxiety. They provide a set strategy for dealing with women, and that's important to us, especially those of us that don't have the confidence and experience we'd necessarily like.

Memorizing openings, routines, etc, give us that. "Ok, if she says this, I'll say this, then if she does this, I'll do this, but if she does that, I'll do this other thing". For a group of men with low experience, low confidence, low self-esteem, this is a godsend.

But of course, it's not everything. It IS, however, a crutch. And that's not a bad thing.

If you break your leg and need a crutch to get around until you can handle it on your own, use it. It's far better than trying to hobble around and falling, potentially making your break worse and lengthening the amount of time you need to heal up. So use that crutch while you need to use it.

However, there will come a time when your crutch slows you down. You can't get around at your best potential speed, with your best potential agility, with that crutch. That's when you drop it and stand on your own two feet.

PUA books, boards, websites, videos, audio tracks, etc are all crutches. If you need them, use them until you can do it on your own. Until you can talk to an attractive girl without having to fall back on patterns and techniques.

If someone hassles you, heckles you or belittles and berates you, why bother validating them with fighting back, arguing with them? You're not going to change their mind, and it's really not worth trying. You don't need their permission, nor their approval, to live your life as you want to (with the disclaimer that intentionally hurting innocent people is bad). Don't waste your time, attention or energy on someone when it's not going to make a difference either way.

I think you'll end up just fine. You're in the right place. There are tons of guys around here who will be happy to help you see not all of us are jerks.

AH! Then you win. Congratulations. You got to say what you feel AND you don't have to hear some lousy excuses or rationalizations.

Send him a thank-you note:

Realize just how lucky you are. He was kind enough to show you what an idiot he was before getting married or anything like that.

Seriously, if he's not smart enough to be with you, do you want to date someone that dumb anyway?

Spidercmb, anyone who doesn't get that needs to turn in their Geek Union card.

I'm two out of three. Not a librarian.