JMO but ya'll might need to stay away from that one!

Linnie you might be the first man whore I ever met. Pleased to meet you!

Into the Mystic-Van Morrison

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"........ You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story .You need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at work!


LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS

I worked my ass off in a tobacco field every summer from the time I was old enough to walk behind a harvester, until I was 20 years old and found out I was pregnant! I can string a stick of tobacco,(none of the new fangled stuff they have now) a grown man would have trouble carrying, and back then could hang it in the barn, cause I had what it took to straddle a tier pole! I have pulled the tushes from baby piglets, and helped my father when he"cut" the male hogs. I can milk a cow, and lay by the corn. I know what velvet beans are, and have dug many sweet potatoes. I have been snipe hunting, and skinny dipping in the river. I like to fish, and can bait my on hook, I know what catava worms are and how to use them. I hate okra with a passion, but I love me some cracklin bread. I have used an outhouse with Sears Roebuck toilet paper. I have rode on a truck standing on the running board, and on the tailgate with my bare feet dangling. Been all summer long and never put on a pair of shoes. Picked up pecans to have money to go to the fair with in the fall. Gone to Vacation Bible School, sang in the choir. Lived in South Georgia without air conditioning, and swam in the cow trough. Took a bath on the porch in a number three washtub, put my pea hulls in a foot tub. Only eat the hearts out of the watermelons and throw the rest over the fence to the cows. Helped give a horse an enema. I know that you shell peas and butter beans, and you shuck the corn. I love a "mater sandwich" so long as the "maters" are peeled. I have played in the hayloft, and rode a crazy horse. I have butchered a chicken and been to a hog killing, I have eaten blood pudding and know what souse meat is made of. I had to say yes and no mamm and sir, and I still do. I worshiped my Grandparents and my parents are the Greatest.
Ya'll can believe this or not but is all true. I would not trade any of these memories, but have one more thing to say
THANK GOD FOR AIR CONDITIONING & INDOOR PLUMBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

This was sent to me today in an e-mail from a very good friend of mine. (Love ya Gracie!). In any event, I just wanted to share.

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings.

Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being

the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy

of not having to be at work. Either way, the first

few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the

garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one

hand and the morning paper in the other. What began

as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those

lessons that life seems to hand you from time to

time. Let me tell you about it:

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of

the band on my ham radio in order to listen to

a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way,

I came across an older sounding chap, with a

tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind;

he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business.

He was telling whomever he was talking with something about

"a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen

to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with

your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you

have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe

a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week

to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's

"dance recital" he continued. "Let me tell you something that

has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to

explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic.

The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know,

some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live

about seventy-five years.

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came

up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that

the average person has in their entire

lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting

to the important part.

It took me until I was fifty-five years old to

think about all this in any detail", he went on,

"and by that time I had lived through over

twenty-eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to

thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I

only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.

So I went to a toy store and bought every single

marble they had. I ended up having to visit

three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles I

took them home and put them inside a large,

clear plastic container right here in the shack

next to my gear."

"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one

marble out and thrown it away. I found that

by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more

on the really important things in life.

There's nothing like watching your time here on

this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign

off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.

This morning, I took the very last

marble out of the container. I figure that if I

make it until next Saturday then I have been

given a little extra time.. And the one thing we

can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend

more time with your family, and I hope to meet

you again here on the band This is a 75 Year

old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!" "GOD BLESS"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band

when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us

all a lot to think about. I had planned to work

on the antenna that morning, and then I was

going to meet up with a few hams to work on

the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up

with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and

the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?"

she asked with a smile "Oh, nothing special, it's

just been a long time since we spent a Saturday

together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at

a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles. Life's way to short

A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.

And so, as one smart bear once said..

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh.

Hope I don't get struck by lightening, or turn into a pillar of salt but it is datehookup-also a free site.

Pardon my ignorance! I tell you there is so much drama over there it is not even funny.

I love this one!

Lonhair-Do you get the David Alan Coe look alike thing with all that hair?

Lex-Kind of like trying to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed man!

I will be back soon I am going to get her. My knee hurts so I will take a cab.

Down the street you know the minute you hit the "latest posts" about all the drama there is over there.

Be careful Longhair, I am much the smartass myself.

ROFLMAO at slowhand!

As I have previously stated I have been at the site "down the street," so I have been telling this friend of mine over there about how nice and drama free it is over here and she told me to ask ya'll if smartasses are welcome over here? So I am asking? How about it folks, are they welcome?

I know I told my sister, I wanted to load up and go over there, not sure who I want to strangle the most, mom, dad, or the dfacs worker.

Mr Great Aunt used to live on 441 right across from that big ole waterhole you have down there. She sold all her sugar cane land and moved to Clewiston, I guess you know she is my rich old Aunt.

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least-evolved among us.

And the glorious Winner for 2007 is:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard i n Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.&nbs p; ; When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minute s, the police apprehended the snatcher. They pu t h im in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER** ***

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spoke sman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline an d pl ugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family. Unless of course one of the 10 winners by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

I see I have been at another site "down the street" and there is way too much drama and hating over there.