lol...nice

lol...yeah I did the costume myself.

Let me know what ya think.

Thanks!!!

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!


Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.


Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley; and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.


The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies. Best Pals.


A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit; and soon he, too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!


The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing, and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

(Yep, you bet there IS a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks

SMART A$$ ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket,
not your stub."


SMART A$$ ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART A$$ ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting
for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART A$$ ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."

SMART A$$ ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 -- A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."

Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
He never heard the shot....

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day .

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're
Generally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
Have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and
Then...You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to
a bar stool and orders a beer.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a
blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair
-- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"


The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if
I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

>A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
> > >pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
> > >drunk, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
> > >
> > >"Not a chance," says the husband. "It is 3 o'clock in the morning &
> > >pouring down." He slams the door and returns to bed.
> > >
> > >"Who was that?" asked his wife.
> > >"Just some drunk guy asking for a push!"
> > >
> > >"Did you help him?" she asks.
> > >
> > >"No. I did not. It is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain
> > >outside!"
> > >
> > >His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we
> > >broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of
> > >yourself!"
> > >
> > >The husband gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.
> > >
> > >He calls out into the dark, "Hello. Are you still there?"
> > >
> > >"Yes," comes back the answer.
> > >
> > >"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
> > >
> > >"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
> > >
> > >"Where are you?" asks the husband.
> > >
> > >"Over here..... on the swing!" replies the drunk!!!!

In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves..."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated

conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but

her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the

following:



"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time.



"The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,"

she retorted indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in

Public places about our sex lives.



"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '."



$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!

Its the good men who always end up getting used in the end...So why should we be good???

talking about their ex-boyfriends all nite long!!!