Hmm, this seems the place for poetry, so maybe I'll take a chance and
post. Here goes nothing!

Confused Clarity
----------------

It isn’t easy
To read between the lines…
To see past the smoke and mirrors
That my heart throws at my mind.
So I’m gonna hide away…
Far away from those prying eyes
That seek to tear away the veil
And delve deeply into mine.
Decided, I turn away,
Turn my shy, uncertain gaze from yours--
Positive that you can never share
The love that rages through me
Like a river overflowing its banks.
Dark--murky
Waters swirl around me,
Rising higher and higher,
Threatening to swallow me--
To drown me in the depths of unsurpassed emotion.
Let me blink it all away--
Push you all the way into the back of my mind.
I’m convinced I can ride this raft alone,
Though it is tossed in the swells
Of myriads upon myriads of waves--
A thousand-foot high… or better!
I can pretend that I don’t need…
That I don’t want…
That I don’t love…
The clouds grow darker;
My spirit sinks within me,
A lump of lead to supplant a lump of clay
That once beat methodically in my chest.
So heavy now that I can scarcely breathe…
Must I now sacrifice my last gasp to the tumultuous sea?
Just then a ribbon of light slices through my night.
A lighthouse!
A scream of sheer delight, of joy--
Unbridled by the restrictions that my mind would impose.
I am saved.
Double-fisted, I paddle towards the blessed beacon--
Certain that I shall soon be safely tucked
Into the familiar downy warmth of my bed.
Instead… a labyrinth,
And I find myself once more in the circle of confusion.
Awash with the why’s and how’s and when’s…
The uncertainty--the giddy anxiety!
All because I love where I have no right to love
And choose to leave that which has been home--
That which served as half a home to one with only half a heart…
Until now.
Until you.