Thanks All,

I think marriage counselling and maybe some church marriage groups would be most helpful at this time.

At first, I was thinking the marriage was probably over so wanting to move on. That's why I was asking about the dating scene.. It's been 27 years since I've dated anyone but my wife.. so, everyone I work with is divorced and seems happier that they did and moved on.. but it's hard to say because they haven't been married as long as I have and they usually have a wife that's been unfaithful. I don't have an unfaithful wife.. actually I have a pretty virtuous wife (too virtuous). I'm unfortunately the unfaithful one.. I got caught up in some "stuff" that I shouldn't have on the Internet 6 years ago but overcame it once identified. But there's still the desire for it.. no matter how much I fight it or God directs me- it's always there taunting.. I've really done a 180 but she always feels she's the one that's gone through the PTSD to deal with the issues. She feels I haven't helped her through so I'm always left feeling guilty by her.. yet she's the one crying. She asks me to talk her through stuff and I try the best I can but it never seems to be enough. It's a crazy way to keep a marriage together but I think we both feel either things will work out soon or we'll separate for good.

Again, thanks for your posts. Appreciate your candor!

Wow, I can't believe all the great responses you gave me. That's a lot to think about. And I feel like I've been in just about everyone of those stages/had those thoughts that you mention too.

So, either stay a couple more years trying to work things out or get divorced to let my child be at peace with one or the other parent.. which makes sense.. has already said that likes both parents but likes them individually.. but also constantly wants to pull us together because is unfortunately hearing the arguments and yelling. I hate that.

Don't date until things are different/healed.. agreed. definitely wasn't planning to anyway unless a divorce happens.

We've been to a few marriage counselors and online services, read books each night, pray together, church, tried date nights, etc. I tried buying her gifts.. she just wants me to say things from the heart that I just don't feel I guess. She wants me to just get all ushy-gushy with her and I really just don't understand what she wants even though she spells it out for me all the time..

I'd sometimes like to just walk away but there's so much time and dreams invested over the years.. it'd be so sad to let it all go.. but it probably(?) would be for the best.. just not sure what that last straw feels like.. I guess I'm part of the older generation where spouses used to just stay together no matter what..

I hope y'all find what you're looking for. Thanks again for taking the time to answer my questions.

Probably not the right place to get advice but who knows.. I've been in a married, monogamous relationship for several years but things seem to be falling apart drastically, ie on the last thread. We've argued our whole life because we speak different love languages. She's a fantastic wife and I'm a pretty good husband. But we barely have any friends and no family nearby so I can't really ask anyone some fairly serious questions.

I've not been a perfect husband but lately it seems like I can't speak her language what-so-ever!! She wants me to feel guilty over things that happened 6 years ago. I try to live in the present but she seems to need my help to get out of the past. I keep trying to soothe her and make her feel loved but I never have the right words to say.. I'm really not a "words guy"..

And I know this is probably the wrong place to be asking but here goes.. How's the dating scene? I haven't dated anyone for several years and hear there's just a bunch of crazies out there.. Should I keep trying to reel things back in or just let it go? We've talked about divorce so many times but I don't think either one of us really wants to do it. And I want to keep my family together if for nothing else then for my kiddo. But I'm starting to lose faith that we'll ever get things right. How do you know when it's finally time to throw in the towel? TIA