...and this time, it was all my fault. This had nothing to do with rejection or arrogance on her part. I brought this on myself, and my mistake is eating me up.

I think I'm going to be sick.

I pine for moments like this, and when they come, I chicken out. I let the opportunity pass and do nothing.

Let me pause a few seconds on exactly what I have failed to do.

A friend from work invited me to her birthday party today at a restaurant/pub. It was a short party, as she had to go home and look after her kids. Afterwards, a lady friend of mine who had come late asked me to spend some time with her. So we wandered aimlessly for a few hours. She noticed I was down and brought me a drink at Booster Juice to cheer me up.

We were sitting at an outdoor cafe when I noticed a pair of girls sit on the other side of the parking lot. I thought one of them looked cute. She sort of fit into the nerdy librarian type, a shy, withdrawn girl. I briefly thought about approaching them but decided against it, as I wasn't getting any signals.

A bit later, we were walking someplace close by, and I noticed the girl that had caught my eye. She was in the trees, unlocking her bike. Her bike was sort of an old-fashioned type, something that only a geek would be caught dead on. Somehow, this reaffirmed the attraction I felt toward her. Suddenly she looked in my direction. Seeing me, she gave me a big smile. It was the kind of smile that screams "COME TALK TO ME!! SAY HI, TELL ME YOUR NAME, DO ANYTHING!!!!"

So what did I do? I beamed at her in return, but did nothing else. Didn't approach her. Didn't talk. Just kept walking.

A few seconds later, I told my friend about the girl that was eyeing me. She encouraged me to talk to her, and I was right about to go back and salvage the situation, when she rode on by with her friend. This time she didn't acknowledge me, but I don't think she was playing games. She might have seen me with my lady friend and assumed we were dating. I felt horrible inside. I felt like someone who throws a lottery ticket in the garbage, only to realize that the ticket was the $64 million jackpot. I threw my lottery ticket in the garbage, and now I feel terrible about it.

What is somehow worse is that I am completely 100 percent to blame for this. A cute, shy girl flashes me a smile, uses body language that is a clear indicator that she is interested in talking and I WALK AWAY???? That is unlike me, and yet like me at the same time. Like it says in my profile, I am a walking contradiction.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I am looking to vent about this so that I don't die a little inside all summer because of this. Indeed, I already have devised a plan to make myself feel better. Tomorrow I plan to go to the park, around the area where I saw her, and just read a book all afternoon. Who knows, maybe I'll meet her and get a second chance. If not, maybe I'll meet someone else there down the line. It occurs to me that there are a lot of girls around the park, and not all of them are the nasty slutty variety that I don't like.

Thanks for listening.




LIFE IS TOO SHORT..stop annalying the **** out of situations and the girl will "see" you....trust me!!! Have confidence!!!! That's what us women admire.