Thanks, it helps to have a third point of view. I think it would have hurt less if he hadn't put it so bluntly, but then again, that's just the type of person he was.

I still care for him, even if he isn't romantically interested in me. So, given the previous statement of him not wanting me around anymore, should I just stay completely away? So far, I have. But I hate not knowing how his recovery is going.

You might be right, sincereman. He often spoke about not wanting to burden me, and that he felt like he couldn't be the person he should be for me. But what I could never get him to understand, is that I loved him as he was. Those things didn't bother me.

I suppose. It's still hard to let go of him, considering the things he told me while he was feeling down. I just wish people wouldn't play with others emotions. It's not a fun game.

Hey there.

I've been needing to talk about this for awhile, but I could never bring myself to speak about it to family members and close friends, as I don't think they'd really understand what happened, and why I'm hurting so. Perhaps the online dating community can.

Someone very special to me recently broke up with me after a year and a half of being together, "online". We met through a mutual gaming interest, World of Warcraft. After playing together, things progressed in our relationship at a relatively steady level. For my birthday this year, he called me on the phone. I was ecstatic. Now maybe that doesn't sound like much of a gift, but for him, it was quite an accomplishment. Or so it seemed.

He apparently has a social disorder which causes him to be deathly afraid of speaking with strangers, going outside, or even talking on the telephone. Perhaps I was stupid, but I believed him. I later found out that he had anaplastic thyroid cancer, and was working to overcome it. I gave him all the support I could, frequently speaking with him over Google Talk, letting him see me on cam, just letting him know that there was someone out there that cares for him.

After six months of this, he received his last chemo treatment and began his physical therapy for overcoming the atrophy in his muscles. It seems this is when things started going downhill. During this time, I picked up a second day job, which didn't allow me to be around as much as I would have liked. I still talked and showed myself to him, but he grew distant. He wouldn't talk much and often went to bed early. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he missed his wife who had passed away six years earlier, due to cancer. I could understand that.

From there, he fell into a pretty deep depression. He didn't speak to me at all, and barely IM'ed me. I didn't know what to do. I felt horrible for him, on top of feeling pretty bad for myself, feeling like I was losing someone very important to me. He told me he thought about suicide daily, but wouldn't do so because of his daughter. I urged him to seek help, but he wouldn't because of his "social" disorder.

Things finally came to an end when I was discussing Christmas gifts. I told him some of the things I was considering getting him, when he said, "I don't want any gifts." That upset me pretty bad, because I've always enjoyed personalizing gifts for him, his birthday, Valentine's Day, the previous Christmas. When I mentioned he never said anything about the gifts before, he got angry at me and said he didn't want anything from me. In return, I was hurt. I told him I didn't know who he was anymore, and what I was allowed and not allowed to do. He wouldn't speak to me, I couldn't call him, I felt more alone than I'd ever been with a person. I asked him to either let me be his girlfriend, or just break it off and stop hurting me with his conditions.

He chose the latter and broke it off with one sentence. "I don't want you around anymore." That hurt more than anything I could have possibly imagined in my life. I felt like someone had taken a piece of my heart and ripped it out, stomped all over it, and ran it through a meat grinder. Today, it's still hard to think about it, and I randomly get tears in my eyes listening to certain songs, or when I see peaches. (Was my pet name for him.) I know I need to let it go, but it's so hard to let someone like that you love, and still worry for, go. I'm afraid he's going to end his life... and I don't want that, ever. Even if he hurt me to the core.

I frequent a forum he visits to roleplay Shadowrun characters, and he seems to be doing just fine there, playing a new character. I don't know if he's masking his hurt by involving himself in his activities, or if he just genuinely didn't care about me. I hate feeling like this.

One thing I don't understand is people screaming about how much better the DS is than the PSP because it has a touch screen. I'd much rather have all the things my custom firmware PSP can do than anything the DS has.

Yep, I have one. Just got mine in fact. It's a fat, but I like them better for the upgrade possibilities. In fact, I hacked mine as soon as I got it so I could play SNES games on it, and I wouldn't go back for the world! I have around 32GBs in memory cards for games, music, movies, and other apps. Gotta love it!