I'm an ex, of an extremely messed up person. Mind you, when i met him.. he seemed relatively normal. Things were great. I loved him, and spent some amazing years with him. Life was good. Although, he did confess to a history of hookers and that he had regular sex with a "f===' buddy, he met online, before me. But at the time, i accepted that this happened before he even met me.

During our relationship, at the early stages he was patient with me. But eventually, he wanted sex more regularly. He loved me, and "enjoyed getting close to me." We were having sex at the time every day.

Later, after a week apart he cheated on me.
He narrowed it down to the fact that he realised that he had a problem. Still to this day, he doesn't understand why he did it. He hates himself for it, and labels it to be his biggest regret. He didn't have sex with her, but if given more time.. believes that it was a big possibility. He did however get sexual with her. He believes that he has a sexual addiction.

I've left him, but still consider myself to be a close friend.

So this is where the big bombshell takes place.

He tells me that he has done some horrible things in his life. He wants to see a counsellor and correct his problems. He is overcome with self disgust and was speaking very suicidally tonight, while we chatted. He told me everything about his history.
I don't know what to think, but he almost threw up in saying these things. He wants help.

Firstly the pornographic issue.
Beginning at a young age, his older brother would put on movies flooded with sex scenes.
At that same young age, he found his dads pornographic magazines.
At an age of 8 or younger, his male friend and him would read these magazines. They would then play the game of truth and dare, which started off as streaking. Which then progressed into touching, and mutual masterbation of each other. At that young age, he was introduced to oral with this friend. He believes that he hated it, and at the time didn't realise that what he was doing was wrong.

When he had some idea that what he was doing wasn't normal, he stopped.He said that his friend seemed dissapointed.
When he stopped, he wanted a substitute. The magazines weren't cutting it for him. He had cravings and wanted something more. He then dabbled in bestiality. He justified it, with the fact that his dog was female. He explained that he was young, and doesn't know why he did it. He had some idea of what he was doing was wrong... but, didn't know how wrong exactly. He just wanted to get off. basically.

Mind you, as he was telling me, he was so full of self disgust. He kept repeating.. "it's wrong" over and over.

He didn't litereally "f***" the animal. But he did allow the dog to get him off orally. And would lay her down and rub himself on her. This happened until the age of 13? He can't remember. Maybe older or less?

He is a christian, so alot of what he was doing was conflicting his beliefs.

He stopped when he got a girlfriend. At age 15, or so. He was still a virgin, but they performed oral acts on each other and other.

(at this point, his female dog had died)When that ended, he allowed his male dog to "stick it in him." (i don't understand either)
It only lated a few seconsd. But this was the moment that he realised that he was not gay. He also explained the amount of disgust in this. He explains that this was the moment that he stopped bestiality altogether.

Later in his life, he turned to drugs and was raped by a guy after getting high. He has a severe hate to "gays" because of this. And quit drugs altogether.


This conversation happened tonight. You can just imagine my shock. I tried to keep my disgust to myself, because he was talking about ending his life. I would never want that to happen to a person. He wants to get help. He hates himself and i asked him to please, allow me to provide him help.

His first girlfriend (the one he lost his virginity to) ended the relationship, after she learnt that he watched porn. She believed that was just as bad as cheating.

After that breakup, the porn progressed. He became obsessed. He enjoys watching bondage. He hates himself for just how bad the porn has progressed. He feels that it eats his life up. He hates himself, and blames this for the fact that he cheated.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to suggest?
Will a counsellor help?
Or will he need to seek serious treatment, and by who?
I don't know what he can do to help himself.
Will hypnotherapy work?"
Will anything?

Please give me some imput!
I'm worried he will kill himself. He speaks openly of doing it. He is humiliated by what he has shared to me, and i have sworn to not tell anyone that know's him personally. He needs help. And i'm personally so grossed out by this. But i was relatively calm when he told me. I know that my words are stronmg enough to cause him to hurt himself. (he has tried in the past)