Here's what I'm thinking about:

Why do so many guys post photos of themselves sitting in their car with the seat belt on, taken with their phone for their profile picture?

Why do so many guys think that a photo of themselves with their shirt off taken in their bathroom mirror look cool? Hint: it doesn't

What's with all the photos of your cars/motorcycles/boats etc. guys? I'm not interested in dating your BMW, I don't care that it's shiny.

....and finally, don't go on and on about your kids. If you have kids, great, post it for personal stats. Leave the gushing until you actually meet someone; then you'll be able to tell if she actually cares that you have the best, cutest, smartest son/daughter in the world or not.

Am I bitter?

A good rule of thumb is to avoid writing in all caps.