Pet Monkey


Jim walks into a bar with his pet monkey and orders a drink. While he's drinking it, the monkey is jumping all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes off the
bar and eats them. The monkey then jumps onto the pool table and to everyone's amazement, swallows the cue ball whole. The bar tender says to Jim, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?' 'No, what?' Says Jim. 'He
just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!!' 'That doesn't surprise me', says Jim. 'He eats everything in sight, the little pig. Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.' He pays for the stuff and leaves.

Two weeks later he comes in again with the monkey. Jim orders a drink and as he drinks it, the monkey is again jumping all over. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. He then finds a peanut, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender, disgusted, says to Jim, 'Did you see what your monkey has done
now?' 'No, what?' Says Jim. 'Well he stuck a cherry and a peanut up his butt and then ate it!' 'Yah, that doesn't surprise me.' Says Jim. ' He still eats everything in site, but ever since he had to pass that cueball, he measures everything first!'

And Merry Christmas to you...you lil Santa's helper you

Michael Buble on the ipod

Sleep

And up "THE" chimney he rose

I know....but tis the Season....

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!