Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?
Cause if you drag them by their feet they fill up with mud.

Hey I know its a couple of day slate but...


Why does the easter bunny hide the eggs?
He doesnt want anyone to know he was f**king the chicken.

Hey Joe I have been colecting these for years. I just have a good
memory.

that was awesome! thanks!

lol Thats a good one!

these 2 guys are really horney. Their buddies pool all their money
together to buy them a couple of hookers. They discover they dont have
enough money so they buy a clople of blow up dolls. They put each one in
a room and send there buddies in.
One guy comes out and then the other. one guy says "Man I swear mine
was dead."
The other one says "Thats funny I thought mine was a witch."
"Whys that?"
"Well I bit her tit, she farted and flew out the window."

A biker is riding allong one day and stops at a corner. He is
approached by a prostitute.
She tells him "For 100 bucks I will perform any act for you as long as
you can discribe it in 3 words."
The biker not saying a word pulls 100 bucks out and hands it to her.
She says "OK just remember only 3 words."
He replies "Paint my house."

A guy is sitting at his local bar pounding down dollar drafts all day.
He gets up and staggers to the toilet. A few minutes later there is a
lot of screaming coming from the mens room. No one thinks much of it and
a few minutes later there it is again. The bartender goes over pounds on
the door and yells "Whats going on in there? You are scaring away all of
my customers."
"Its this toilet. Every time I try to flush something jumps up and
squeezes the hell out of my balls."
The bartender opens the door and says "You a**hole! You are sitting in
the mop bucket!"

A farmer has about 200 hens but no rooster. He wants chicks so he goes
to the farmer down teh road to see if he has an extra.
"Yeah Ive got this great rooster named Randy. Hell service every hen
you got no problem."
Well Randy is a lot of money but the farmer thinks it would be worth
it so he takes him home. He gets there and he tells Randy "Now you have
a lot of work to do so I want you to pace yourself and have a good
time." Randy takes off like a shot and services every hen he has 3 or 4
times each. Hes down at the pond nails the geese, hes in with the cows,
and the farmer is worried he wont last the day. Sure enough he wakes up
in teh morning and Randy is flat on the ground in the yard.
Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer runs over and Says "Oh
Randy I told you to pace yourself, why wouldnt you slow down? Just look
at yourself."
Randy opens one eye looks at the farmer and says "SHH there getting
closer."

A boy walks up to his father and asks "Dad, where did I get all my
intelligence from?"
Dad says "Must be from your mother. I still have all of mine."

Friendship between women. A woman doesnt come home for a night. She
tells her husband she slept over at a friends house. He calls her 10
best friends none of which know anything about it.
Friendship between men. A man doesnt come home for a night. He tells
his wife he slept at a friends house. She calls his 10 best friends. 8
said he did indeed spend the night and 2 claim he is still there

A condom machine in an English mens room had an ad that said
"manufactured to strict British standards"
Underneath someone wrote "So was the Titanic."

Wife: Theres trouble with the Harley. It has water in the carburetor.
Husband Thats rediculous.
Wife: I tell you theres water in the carburetor.
Husband: You dont even know what a carburetor is. Where is the Harley?
Wife: In the pool

A man is flying across the jungle when his plane crashes. He climbs out
and is surounded by local natives pointing spears at him. He says out
loud "Im f**ked."
A loud booming voice comes from the heavens and says "You are not
f**ked grab the spear of the closest native and run it through the
chiefs heart." He grabs the spear and runs it through the heart of the
guy with the biggest head dress. The voice returns and says "Now you are
f**ked."

If you are what you eat I could be you by morning.

Hows this?
roses are blue
violets are red
im crap with colors
but wicked in bed

I picked snickers. It does fit pretty well.

sorry I like cats too. Just made me giggle I have a weird sense of
humor.

so your daughters a hooker
and it ruined your day
look at the bright side
its really good pay

thump thump thump
thought I had a flat
when I looked at my tire
I found your cat
Sorry!

Those are great. Heres a couple more for ya.

He who pees into the wind will get his feet wet.

He who fly upside down have crack up.

My personal favorite.
He who jumps on bedsprings this spring have offspring next spring.