The local diners dishwasher.

I think it does happen just not in the perfection we want. Every person on earth makes mistakes. Even the best and lasting relationships involve people who at some point have hurt each other. That's why grace, compassion and forgiveness is so important along with communication and boundaries.

🤣 behave!

Due to an insecurity or maybe they think you're more likely to respond to a younger man? Deception is deception I wouldn't worry about it and just avoid them.

My mom is part Cherokee and registered CDIB/Cherokee Nation tribal citizenship.
That's extremely hard to do. My dad's family is Irish.

I hope you find someone to build a healthy relationship and finish out life with. Someone that you didn't even know you wanted. I wish that for everyone lonely and searching.

I can tell you the damage it does to a person. The father of my children called me at work one day and told me he just took a bottle of pills because I ruined his life. It wasn't the first he threatened suicide it was the 3rd. Each call was extremely traumatic. This time was different because he said he took pills. He didn't ask me to meet him like he usually did before and he refused to tell me where he was. He hung up where normally he would stay on the phone until i got to him and then he would abuse me. This time was different because it was the first time after I got away from him. I called the police and kept trying to call and text to get a response and luckily he did answer but didn't talk. The police were able to find him in time because he had in fact taken pills. He did not complete suicide but I'm still in therapy 6 years later. I changed my phone number and stopped communicating with him all together. At that point he still had a good relationship with his children (or at least had not abused them physically or verbally) and would talk to them on the phone. Last year I got a call from the school that they had to remove and restrain my oldest son because he had an outburst on the bus. Turns out his dad sent a suicide text around 2am and my son found it at 730am and even though once again it was just a threat my children are now dealing with that trauma in therapy. I changed all numbers and cut communication completely. I have total custody of my kids and if he was to want to change that he would have to do it by getting healthy, stable and get his rights legally. He's not put any effort into that.
He still posts about me on social media. Makes fake dating accounts. Last year he set me up by convincing a man to talk to me and agree to meet then he was going to ambush me. The man (another addict) actually told me and didn't go through with it. So that has completely changed how I meet people. He has damaged my car while I worked. He calls child protective services on me and the police several times. Calls my work...These things just continue but aren't as often. No court order or legal action stops it completely. His kids don't cry for him anymore. They don't ask about him but I know they still love him. We all still pray for him even though it's more likely his addiction is going to take him. Statisticly people who complete suicide have used or are under the influence when they've done it. Which was the case the time he took the pills. Often I think that I've signed his death certificate by cutting ties. I think maybe there is no one else that would call for help if he tried to hurt himself. Sometimes I have horrible thoughts about that situation considering what he continues to do. These thoughts alone are triggering even now. We love and care for him but Ultimately I have to choose the safety and health of myself and my kids. It's more likely his family will get news of his death but we still pray and are hopeful for a better outcome.

I hope you find a good wife and be a good successful couple..

I'm good at hugs!

Lol it seems like sound advice. Would be incredibly hard for me to follow. I have fat thighs hard to get the knees that close!

Yup

I unloaded the dish washer this morning.

If you are in crisis, please seek help immediately.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org . Text MHA to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line . Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. This information is specific to United States but please where ever you are seek professional medical services.

Mental health services are especially beneficial when you have lost someone to suicide not just if you are suicidal.

I saw a reel where Larry King ask Katt Williams "what is the worst advice you have ever been given?" His response was "Don't ever change" it's very common advice given and as innocent as it is it's also so destructive. We have to change to grow.


The worst advice- Follow Your Heart.

hearts are deceitful above all things. They trick us. They tell us that we should have what we want but fail to warn us of the consequences of that path. They show us a distorted view of reality and blind us to the truth.

The Best Advice- Follow Jesus

Only God knows what is truly best for our lives. We cannot see the whole picture, and we cannot see His master plan. When we blindly follow our heart, we can easily step outside of His perfect plan. And while we think we’re providing a great future for ourselves, we could be missing out on something much more incredible than we could even imagine.

I made apple and brie stuffed chicken breast with mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans. (I cheat and use Bob Evans mashed potatoes ...no ever knows.) Everything turned out yummy!

It's not high maintenance to not settle for someone that is not a good fit. I didn't demand from him anything.
He didn't make a plan even after he had plenty of specific suggestions from me (like you said). I planned the date and the more time i spent with him the more his truth came out. He's not the type of person that takes initiative. He's no effort. I recognized it and i walked away from it rather than settling for it like before (changed behavior on my part).
I wasn't demanding that's your assumption. I merely asked here on mingle if anyone else got frustrated that the other person couldn't ever take initiative to plan a date even after in engaging in conversation about specifically how a good date would be.
You can excuse me if I don't have men all figured out like you do. I'm learning through my life experiences though.
I've actually really enjoyed dating especially the ones where one of us showed initiative and put effort into it.
As far as my value. I know who I am and my worth. I won't ever allow the world to dictate my value ever again. My value comes from God.

Thank you

I don't know if it was 70 (I enjoy a lot of things) but it was definitely enough he could have made a plan and shown some effort.

Again we both discussed what we both thought a good date would look like. I said watching a fight, seeing a downtown local band, visiting an arcade plus more ideas. He shared his ideas as well. He then said "Speaking of dates. Can I take you on one?" When I said "I'd like that" he followed up with "what do you want to do?" Like we didn't just have a conversation about it. He either wasn't listening or he was and he didn't feel I was worth the effort or He's just lazy.
I've been out with some really good quality men since my divorce. Everyone of those had some sort of plan for a date. There were a couple who didn't engage with me about what I wanted to do on a date but I appreciated there was something they enjoyed and wanted to share that with me.
The ones that didn't plan usually ended up not having very good intentions with me. They almost always seemed to want to be mothered like a child and usually were the ones that had expections just because they paid for a meal.
I've been in relationships with no effort men. I had to plan everything, pay for everything. I didn't know my value. I didn't have good boundaries and I settled.
I'm not that woman anymore. I know what I have to offer. I know what I want. I want someone to show me they can lead, provide and build a relationship with me. If I have engaged with you what I like to do on a date and you still can't take care of that...well I don't have much confidence that you can lead me in a relationship. It's hard for me to respect and treat someone like a man if I have to repeat myself and take charge of everything. I don't want to be a mother to a grown man.

I didn't completely ditch him. We met up for supper and he did actually have an idea for what HE wanted to do after and I most definitely did decline!