Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy
boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought
them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret, age 75, looked him over.
"Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back
into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert,
what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be
hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled,
"AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S
HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda' bought a hat, Bert!
Shoulda' bought a hat."

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient 1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient 2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired of Patient 1 what Patient 2 was doing. Patient 1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient 2′s face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient 1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”

Patient 1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”