...or: "Gee! Ur ****'s real wide"... ide... ide... ide...

Two guys walking in the street come across a dog licking his balls.

Guy 1: Gosh, how I'd love to be able to do that too!

Guy 2: Yeah but beware, he may bite you...

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided to go and check his mail. The next thing he knows, a beautiful woman is standing in front of him and she has a robe on and she opens it and the man notices she has nothing on underneath. He tries to keep eye contact with the girl while she is talking to him. All of a sudden she says, “I hear someone coming, let's go in my apartment.”
When they get in to her apartment, she lets her robe fall to the ground and asks the man, “Which part of my body do you like the best?” The guy replies, “Your ears.”
So she gets mad and asks, “Why my ears!? Look at this body! It's perfect! Look at these breasts -- they're real and they're mine! Look at this butt -- it's hard and firm! So why my ears?” The guy says, “Well, because the person you heard coming was me!”

Reminds me that old one:

What's the difference between Jeovah witnesses and balls?

There's none: they always come in pair, and you never let them in.

:-)

And another:

Bad cop... no donuts.

It reads:

Honk if you've never seen an automatic fired from a rear window.

Energizer bunny arrested... charged with battery.

A blonde gets into a shop.

Blonde: Hello sir, I'd like to buy this TV set.

Shopowner: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes here.

Frustrated, she gets out home, colors her hair as a brunette, and goes back to the shop.

Blonde: Hello sir, I'd like to buy this TV.

Shopowner: Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes here.

Blonde: But, how did you find out I'm a blonde?!

Shopowner: Quite easy... it's not a TV, it's an oven.