I'll give you a brief example of what I'm talking about.

Let's say you saw this in a profile:

"I like to go bowling. I like to go to the mall and buy giant plastic statues of Millard Fillmore. I think about what it would be like to be a llama."

OK, that's a little repetitive as a sentence-structure format. So I would reword it as something like this:

"I like to go bowling. But you can't bowl 24 hours a day (unless there's something seriously wrong), so sometimes I'll hop in the car and go to the mall, where they sell these giant statues of Millard Fillmore that I like to collect. That's another story. Speaking of other stories, did you ever wonder what it would be like to be a llama? Probably not many people think about stuff like that, but I do."

For me, one thing that makes or breaks a profile (assuming there's any content there in the first place!) is the writing style the person uses. Some are just more "readable" -- and I know there are those who will tell you "Don't bother, guys don't read profiles, they just look at the pictures." But that's not true for all of us!