Angel, this is a very common problem but not one many women are inclined to admit. It is embarrassing because we see our partners as extensions of ourselves and when they do something shameful, we feel the shame. You are in a very good position because you have this supportive community to give you feedback. So many women are completely isolated. You are also able to articulate clearly what is being done to you, so we can see that you do have sanity and discernment. Many women can't see what the behaviors are that are wrong and demeaning. You can.
There is a mental illness called Arrested Development. A large, very large, percentage of the population has it. We can see men in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, any age, acting as if they were seven or nine or thirteen but certainly not as a fully developed adult would act. This is a serious and debilitating illness which ruins what could be marvelous relationships. On the female side, we can see arrested development taking the form of a woman not defending herself in an effective manner even when resources are available. She remains helpless and dependent emotionally even though capable of rational thinking processes.
One therapy is to ask yourself what you would do if you were your own brave and intelligent adult best friend and you had to save your own precious life. Use your imagination on this. It probably won't feel familiar as if you had felt those solutions before. It will be the emergence of an adult self, a new thing. It takes practice.