3 WOMEN IN A SAUNA

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING
NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.


'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER TH E SKIN OF MY ARM.


A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........

WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a 710 cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a 710 cap?"
She said, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one."
What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun 710, but no, she said it's a Pontiac.
"OK lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. ”What does it do?," we asked.
She said, "I don't know, but it's always been there."
We gave her a note pad and asked if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.
The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it....and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.
(To Find Out Why He Was In Hysterics... draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it around.)
Yes, she was a blonde.


A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror.
If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror.
"I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar." And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car.
Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror," I think Im the smartest person in this bar." And she gets a million dollars.
Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror," I think..." POOF! She disappears.


A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''
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A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"


A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip.
The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."
The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."
The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"
The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"
The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!"

New inventions by blondes
________________________________________
• The water-proof towel
• Glow in the dark sunglasses
• Solar powered flashlights
• Submarine screen doors
• A book on how to read
• Inflatable dart boards
• A dictionary index
• Powdered water
• Pedal powered wheel chairs
• Water proof tea bags
• Watermelon seed sorter
• Zero proof alchohol
• Reusable ice cubes
• See through tiolet tissue
• Skinless bananas
• Do it yourself roadmap
• Helicopter ejector seat
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”

An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway.
The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them.
The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it.
The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window


A woman went to doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs.Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

I was traveling down the interstate when I had to make a pit stop at a rest stop. The first toilet stall was occupied, so I went into the second one.
I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall say, "Hi, how are you doing?"
Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers and especially under those conditions ... and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but I answered, "Not bad."
And the stranger said, "And, what are you up to?"
Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said, "Well, just like you I am driving South"
Then, I heard the stranger get all upset and say, "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!"

An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.
"Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."
Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large -- war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???"
"No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate..."



A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "All right, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.
The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"


A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

yes to all the above

Then go and maybe watch her kids if there was a need

I don't need an excuse for getting drunk Joel. Hell If I feel like getting a buzz I just do it!!!!!!!!

Sure I would, it is just a bigger and better package deal

Me!!!
I was at work for twelve hours and had mother nature give me some photo opportunities of hawks and bald eagles

No ice here just snowing here at the moment

I'm actually at work so I had better be awake

now that was damn funny

It is definately a heart felt poem that has touched many people, glad to hear that you enjoy it

Happy holidays ladies

That is one heck of a boat thanks for sharing

I am going to eat and eat and eat do you have any idea how cold it gets in this area?

I need the winter weight

Let me start off by saying "Be thankful that there is still a part of your sister around to love"

Next you have to find the time yourself to get a job, there are some jobs that you can even do from home.

Well enough advise from me, I just hope that you will try to look on the brighter side of things


Have a wonderful day


HUGS

Melody Gardot.....love me like a river does

Hey there sweetie how's life down under

Thanks for laugh


as always you make me LMAO

#5 in the 1st group is d* mn sexy