Ohhh, cool.

really? that's cool.

Thanks. I am :) I started a notebook a week after we started talking ... I know sounds crazy. I've never done such a thing before ... I just felt like he was someone worth dedicating a notebook too. I wanted to be able to remember everything like it was yesterday.

Thanks ... I'll get there. Reality has to let me first but I will get there.

I catch on quickly to a lot of things. I just don't always appear as though I do.

Gone crazy. Goin' out of my mind.

No, I am grateful for your response. However I totally argue with everything you have stated.

He is scared to fall in love again. When he was a teenager the love of his life hooked up with his best friend. Although he claims he never fell in love again, he did marry and have children. He has long since been divorced.

When we got together, my friend questioned our relationship status. I allowed him to decided and he decided on a relationship and made sure I was in agreement. I know he cares. I don't smother him .. not even a bit. I keep all that stuff to myself. But I have asked questions. He's always said friends are a dollar in his pocket. I've questioned that about me in particular and he caught right on saying that I wasn't a booty call. We had a "thing" .. whatever that may mean .. relationship I think he meant.

I have bundles of patience for him and I don't know why. He lived with me for a short time before he left and he's questioned if he'd be allowed back. To which I said of course.

He hates Florida but is glad to have spent time with his family. He doesn't like where he is working and wants to return to his store up here.

I need to know what I should say to him when he comes back in March to visit. I don't want to sound crazy or insane. I'm good with words on paper .. when I have all the time I need to think. But not right on the spot. I don't want to mess it up.

I am not bitter either. It's been three and a half years since my last serious relationship. I felt so strong. And like nothing could break me down. I have learned way too much from experience. I don't think i can handle another heartbreak.

Barbed wire is good.

-sigh- I know. I started out with pitbulls, barbed wire, a pit of fire, and walls of ice. He spent three months climbing every obstacle.

You didn't leave last summer with just you're belongings -- When you left, you unknowingly took half of my heart with you. I let you walk away because I was scared of rejection -- that you didn't feel the same way because, at the time, we had only been dating for a few months. I regret letting you leave to Florida so easily.

You've always portrayed yourself as someone who is too numb to ever love again. I have told you time and time again that a few bad experiences shouldn't discourage you -- that being so numb and emotionally closed is no way to live. Although you agree, you still choose to live that way but your actions tend to speak louder than any words you say. I have a feeling you are in a constant battle with your emotions and your pride. You started out calling me every other day.

You have been away for about 7 months now. I spent the fall beating myself up over the fact that I watched you walk away -- that I allowed myself to open up to someone so easily after 3 years of lathering my heart with ice. But I had been blown away that you invested three months prior to our relationship in trying to know me and open me up. That was something new for me.

After the beating, came the anger. I convinced myself you had used me so that I could stop hurting so much. I was mad you chose to leave so easily. Despite the fact you were leaving for work purposes, you didn't HAVE to go. Since a majority of your family is down there, I somehow knew you would not return in ten days as planned. What angered me more was the fact that you cut our relationship. You didn't want me waiting around for you. You didn't know how long you'd be in Florida but you wanted me to "Do what I had to do." I took it as you just didn't care at all.

So I became numb. I started ignoring most of your calls (something I had never done). I stopped calling you. I stopped texting you. When I did pick up your call, you sensed something was wrong but I always managed to play it off. I know you knew I was mad but you never called me out on anything.

In December, I collected my sanity and gained more pride along with patience. It was easy at first until you began calling me every day, sometimes multiple times. I then decided to just give in and let whatever was suppose to happen ... just happen.

It is now February. You still call every day, usually multiple times. I no longer have to dial your number. You're the first person I think of when I wake up. I sometimes feel as though I am going crazy. You are visiting for a while in March for my birthday. You aren't sure if you will be leaving again once you get back. You despise Florida and miss the cold. But I'll tell you what, I'll be damned if I let you leave again so easily.

You asked for it .. I have to get this out before I go completely insane, lol. I'm sorry it's so long but I had to write this. I'll make it a separate post.

I'd want to be a famous rider in jumping competitions and travel. And be a published poet on the side.

yep

one can only hope. I hope she does stay.

great .. can't wait. (sarcasm)

I just found the whole episode creepy but it was good.

Justin Bieber said he was having a BABY
Usher said OMG
Katy Perry set off FIREWORKS
Bruno Mars thought they where GRENADES
Eminem said he was NOT AFRAID
Jason Derulo said WHATCHA SAY?
then Nelly woke up and said it was only JUST A DREAM

Loved it. Awesome write. I really felt those words.

Visit castles around the world
Have a ranch where I can rescue animals, adopt them out, and maybe have a kennel on the ranch.
I so would love to spend time with real wolves .. I've done it once with hybrids (who were 95% wolf) and it was amazing.
Visit Villalobes, the largest rescue center ever dedicated to rescuing pit bulls and adopting them out.

Saw it. Loved it. Def creepy.