Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a
redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly
swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You bu rn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want
it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip"
on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27 . A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of
improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Little Johnny's at it again.....
>
> A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started
her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few
seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're
stupid,
Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!"
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"
said
his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the
matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
>
> * * * * * * * * * *
>
> The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She
called on him and said,
> "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC,
FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
> ;
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police
station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10
most wanted
criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it
really was
the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives
want
very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep
him when
you took his picture?"
>
> * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs
and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing
that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to
make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny,
looking
worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy want s to buy Mom."
>
> * * * * * * *
>

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.

Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A. BEAT IT - we're closed.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough.

Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.

Q. Why is sex like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

maybe

im in southeastern mass

her head is lumpy lol!

all i want to know is who is the babys daddy? lol maybe they should go
on maury!!

some people on here take things too seriously...you only have
one life live it how you want to and who cares what everybody thinks. if
you wanna lite one up knock yourself out!!there are alot worse things
to do out there than smoking a dube. if you like the reefer on a daily
basis and your life is in order (go to work everyday, pay your bills, be
independent) and your not hurting anyone else than whats the big deal?
some people go home after a hard day at work and have a glass of wine
and some people go home and relax by sparking up!

really cute!