Insider's Guide to Dating
(What men say...and what they really mean!)

"Haven't I seen you before?"

- "Nice azz."

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"I'm a Romantic."

- "I'm poor."

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"I need you."

- "My hand is tired."

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"I am different from all the other guys."

- "I am not circumcised."

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"I want a commitment."

- "I'm sick of masturbation."

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"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."

- "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

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"I have something to tell you."

- "Get tested."
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I really want to get to know you better."

- "So I can tell my friends all about our most intimate moments!"

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"It's just orange juice, try it."

- "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."

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"She's kinda cute."

- "I wouldn't kick her out of bed...but a pillow over the head might be necessary."

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"I don't know if I like her."

- "She won't sleep with me."

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"I miss you so much."

- "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."

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"Was it good for you?"

- "I'm insecure about my manhood."

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"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"

- "Is my penis really that small?"

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"I had a wonderful time last night."

- "Who the hell are you?"

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"Do you love me?"

- "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

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"Do you 'really' love me?"

- "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."

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"How much do you love me?"

- "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."

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"I'll give you a call."

- "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."

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"I've been thinking a lot."

- "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

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"I think we should just be friends."

- "You're ugly."

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"I've learned a lot from you."

- "Next!!!!"

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"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"

- "I gotta turn on my answering machine."