A husband forces himself to open his eyes ...
..., and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it
is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He
takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table ...

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love
you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and
the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm
married!"

A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - priceless