Can anyone tell me a story and cheer me up?

one time in band camp..........

there once was a man from nantucket, with a d...... what kin of story did you want agian?

you were there too barefoot? I was in the advanced tent. No flutes, saxophones!

I don't know any funny stories off hand but here is a flower to cheer you up

i was in the interaction for the intermediates

humm cant think of anything off hand... just drink tea and make sure you dont have to go to the hospitol

The mama pajama rolled out of bed, and she ran to the police station.
When the papa found out, he began to shout, and he started the investigation.
It's against the law, it was against the law.
What the mama saw, it was against the law.
The mama looked down and spit on the ground ev'ry time my name gets mentioned.
The papa say "Oy, if I get that boy
I'm gonna stick him in the house of detention."

I'm on my way, I don't know where I'm goin',
I'm on my way, I'm takin' my time, but I don't know where.

Goodbye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona.
See me and Julio down by the schoolyard.
See me and Julio down by the schoolyard.

In a couple of days they come and take me away,
but the press let the story leak.
And when the radical priest come to get me released,
we's all on the cover of Newsweek.
Well, I'm on my way, I don't know where I'm goin',
I'm on my way, I'm takin' my time, but I don't know where.

Goodbye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona.
See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard
See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard
See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

what???

Once upon a time, in a little town in texas, a handsome strapping young lad was driving home from work late at night. Well, this lad needed to get some smokes, so he pulled off the busy highway, and into the seven-eleven parking lot. As he entered the store, the cashier was walking towards the back of the store to do something. She looked nice from behind, so he just waited, picking up a magazine to look at. A few minutes later, said woman was behind the register, and in a rhaspy wheezy old female voice said "can I help you" as he put down the magazine, he said very loudly "DAMN!"
The cashier gave him a very mean look and said "What?"
His Reply "Gas Prices are high!"
Still giving him that dirty look, she replied "What can i get for ya."
He replied "Pack of camel lights, a lighter and a pair of sunglasses"
With a confused look on her face she replied "why do you need the sunglasses, its dark outside"
He retorted "Its not dark in here"
She quickly rung up the smokes and lighter, put them in a bag and pushed them towards him, a get the **** out of here before i kill you kinda look on her face.
He snickered and grabbed the bag, hurried out of the store and drove home.

Now you know the story of why i don't set foot in seven eleven after midnight. That and you can't buy beer then.

I don't know about a story but you are a beautiful woman!
Does that help any?

Thank you everyone!

lol

Sheesh. Paul Simon. C'mon, really...

im sorry... am I just tired or does this story NOT make sense?

its not supposed to if you take it literally.
geez.

Jack and Jill went up a hill............

how did I get stuck with the tuba????

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her;
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;
Fancy that to swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady that swallowed a dog;
What a hog, to swallow a dog;
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cow,
I don't know how she swallowed a cow;
She swallowed the cow to catch the dog,
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse...
She died, of course!