[bA man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say
"nice tie!".
Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar.
A few sips later the voice said
"beautiful shirt".
A little worried, the man decides to play the slot machine. As he puts a coin in the bandit he hears a harsh voice say,
"You ugly c*nt."
Looking around there's still no-one around.
A couple of seconds later the second voice said,
"F*ck off you ugly tosser!"
At this, the man called the bartender over.
"Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender.
"I keep hearing these voices, one saying nice things, and one being really offensive, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"Ah"
answered the bartender.
"The peanuts...they're complimentary, but the bandit's out of order."