Are women always drawn to bad boys?

The answer to that is, quite simply, NO. Just like men, women are drawn to men who have high self-esteem. Men who give off the vibe that they want to be with us, but only if we want to be with them. Men who have a life outside of us and aren't afraid to continue to live it after they've met us.

We're talking about limits. Boundaries. If you want to win her over, you have to set them and hold to them. You also need to be assertive. When you see someone you like, walk up to her and say hi. Ask for her number. Call and ask her out. It's not rocket science. If you have confidence, she'll be drawn to you.

Maybe women seem to love bad boys, on the surface. But what it really boils down to is availability. We want someone who is available but not TOO available. It's a delicate balance.

We could meet the most incredible man in the world, but if he calls every hour on the hour just to see how the last hour went, we're going to lose interest. You can bank on it. If a man meets us and immediately begins revolving his life around us, it's a complete turn-off. We want him to be into us but not TOO into us.

You men are the same way about women. Be honest.

The scene: A crowded club on a Friday night.

The woman: An attractive brunette, standing over near the bar all by herself.

The lead character: YOU. A man who wants to approach her but has no idea what to say.

You try to make eye contact but the place is too crowded. You have to move in closer. Squeezing through the crowd, you make your way over to her, working up in your head what you'll say to her. You stop beside her. She turns to look at you. You open your mouth...and blow it.

A woman makes a decision about you before you even open your mouth. It's split second. The sincerity in your eyes, the way you carry yourself, the way you're dressed. All you can do is be yourself and eventually the right person will see that as exactly what she wants. But once she's decided that, the worst thing you can do is open your mouth and say something stupid.

We've all heard them. The worst pick-up lines imaginable. Someone once walked up to me and said, "you're more beautiful than a blizzard in the middle of a forest fire." He certainly got my attention, but the line seemed rehearsed. As though he used it on every woman he'd seen that day.

Next time you walk up to a woman, try this. Make eye contact, smile, extend your hand, and then say hello and tell her your name. Ask for her name. Ask some questions about her and get to know her. Yes, we all know it's tough but there's no need to come up with some fancy opening line. If there's a "click," the conversation will flow.

But if you're interested, the most important thing of all is that you get her phone number. There's no point in approaching her in the first place if you aren't going to do that. Simply say, "I've enjoyed talking to you. Would you mind if I call you sometime?" And when she gives you the number, don't jokingly ask if she gave you a fake number...that just makes you sound insecure. Take the number, thank her, and be on your way.

If you see her online -- say, somewhere like MySpace -- don't e-mail and tell her she's hot. ESPECIALLY not in some shorthand. (Ur hot. Wanna IM?) Read her profile, find something insightful to comment on. Ask her a question, but make it about her, not her looks. In other words, e-mailing to say, "Are those your real breasts?" will not win you a date.

Then, for god's sake, get her phone number. Talk to her. Don't e-mail her for six weeks, then propose the idea of meeting. If you live in the same town, there's no excuse for sitting at home behind a computer screen "chatting" when you could be sitting across from each other, staring into those beautiful eyes. Do you want a computer romance or a REAL romance?

I hate talking on the phone. Okay, I'm admitting it now. I've always felt that way, but when I'm dating someone I do it because, in between dates, it's the best way to really get to know each other.

There is an old rule of etiquette that says he who initiates the phone call is the one who should end it. So if someone has called me, it seems a little rude for me to cut him short. I'll do it, but I always feel bad about it. But, the truth is, my time is limited. I do not want to dedicate two or three hours a night to talking to someone. I really don't even want to dedicate an hour to it. The phone is a tool to make plans, ask how someone's day was, and hang up. That's all.

"Always Leave Her Wanting More." Nowhere is this more important than in the contact you give her on a daily basis. Text messages, e-mails, phone calls... All in moderation. If you e-mail her, don't refresh your inbox until she responds, and don't shoot an e-mail back right away. Go on with your life. If you text her and she doesn't respond right away, don't assume this means you've said something wrong. Don't send her three texts in a row. Send a text and wait. And, for God's sake, if you call and she doesn't answer, leave a message and let her call you back. Don't blow up her phone until she answers.

As for phone calls, there's no set rule as to how long you should talk. I think we've all dreamed of meeting that person with whom everything clicks into place. From that moment on we can't seem to stop talking to each other. But in real life, that probably won't happen. So for most of us that first phone call shouldn't be more than a half hour or so. Make plans to either see her or talk to her again and say goodbye. Don't keep talking for two hours and don't ignore your kids or take her along with you to the grocery store to avoid hanging up. Tell her you have to go. Leave her wanting more!!!

I've yet to figure out a way to gracefully get out of a phone call when a man doesn't seem to have limits. My friend will be talking to me and all of a sudden say, "Okay, I'm done talking to you now." That always makes me laugh because usually it's the very thing I'm thinking. I don't think I could say that to a man...but, believe me, I've wanted to. I just have a limit as to how long I can sit with my cell phone pressed to my ear.

Now, for the big question. How often should you call? There's no set answer -- you just have to go with your gut. Some men play the "48 hours" game where they deliberately wait 48 hours after a date to call her. For me, this seems entirely too long but I have friends who lose interest if they get a call in that first day. Either way, understand this one thing will not make or break her interest in you. If you have her interest, and you call her in the first day, even if she's someone who's normally bothered by that she's probably going to still be crazy about you. Likewise if she's the type who thinks two days is too long to wait for that call, calling on the third day probably won't lose her. Personally I think a follow-up phone call or text or e-mail the next day is just right. Just be yourself and if it's too much or too little for her, it wouldn't have worked anyway.

Amen

Ummm, you're too funny. That was so not two cents. That was more like twenty dollars.

woopsie.. Sorry for the extremly long post. I tend to babble when I talk about these kinds of things :)

I think sooo

wow

well said despite the wordiness

Uhhhhhh.....your hot.....

that is good

I'm cum-fused. Seemed like she was speaking for all women. :O

if you read her post your not post say that stuff even thou where all thinking it

That's ok...it wasn't overly repetitious or anything. The length was fine (minus the "2 cents" label, hahah).

The problem is that most guys who come off as "confident", actually just "don't give a sh!t" about anyone except themselves. It's near impossible to tell the difference in a first impression, which, I believe, is why girls often end up with the jerks, or bad guys, or whatever you want to call self-centered men.

Actually, the girlies ARE drawn to bad boys. Why? It's because most wimmins equate arrogance (a standard bad boy trait) with confidence, or "high self-esteem" as you call it.

It's the same reason "nice guys" (like yours truly) never seem to get any action... the girls consider being "nice" with being a wimp or wuss. That is, until these women get older and finally figure out that they haven't gotten anywhere with their loser, bad boy mates and decide to look for the more economically-stable nice guys they avoided earlier.

It's a fact of life as old as humankind itself.

yah!! what he said!! but thank you

I read it... thats why I posted it....

I agree with some, not all. But absolutely on the confidence. A man who is unsure of himself is the worst.

My last BF was unbelievably sure about getting me. He knew what he wanted and went after it. And he didn't stop until he succeeded.

SEXY as hell. Yep.

I agree. Lack of confidence runs wild when my friends see a good looking woman. They are fine when it's just us guys , but throw some estrogen into the mix and we have babbling baboons. I won't lie. I had the same problem, but it's easily fixed. Think about this. The worst question is one that's never asked, and the worst that can happen is she says no. If that's the case as least you can tell yourself you had the courage to try. That's leaps and bounds above never knowing or trying. buying a crotch rocket doesn't hurt either LOL

LMAO .. nothing like speed on the street to dull the senses eh?

Yikes.. that was long!
I apologize. You lost me at the club on Friday night..

Nice, Jerk.. no matter.. We are talking about the same thing. Boys.
Whether he is insecure or overly secure.. They tend to be the same thing. A self serving little man who cannot handle rejection and is only concerned with what they are gonna get out of it.

They just come from two different strategic points. One from pity, the other from a false confidence. Both are probably relatively clueless and could care less about what your desires might be. One is gonna try to guilt you..The other trick you.

Real people? Are observant enough to actually get out of self enough to see that there is an attraction, and if it is mutual? Act on it.