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Topic: Advice
France1961 Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 140	Fri 02/22/08 05:25 PM
Some of you may know who I am by some of the posts and replies. I am in dire need of advice and most likely help. I met this wonderful, caring man on the site...And honestly thought that I was ready for that new chapter in my life.But it happened again........It...My issue, my problem, my condition...I was finally able to pinpoint it after pretty much 30 years of devastating, meaningless relationships. It is called Fear of Abandonment...And also Abando-phobism...If any of you out there deal or have dealt with this, please feel free to give me your insights, I 'll take all the help I can possibly get right now. I want to address it and be able to moe on without hurting someone else or/and myself. Thank you in advance.

erowid1 Joined Wed 02/06/08 Posts: 1029	Fri 02/22/08 05:28 PM
Abando-phobism! you have just named my next band!!

1956deluxe Joined Thu 12/06/07 Posts: 8559	Fri 02/22/08 05:28 PM
Are you afraid you will be abandoned?

merlot42 Joined Tue 02/05/08 Posts: 533	Fri 02/22/08 05:29 PM Edited by merlot42 on Fri 02/22/08 05:32 PM
After being married for 16+ years, and now single for 6 all I can say is that it is tough! It's like getting too close can leave you vulnerable...Scarey....

Nickinolosers Joined Thu 06/07/07 Posts: 15208	Fri 02/22/08 05:29 PM
Are you afraid you will be abandoned? Duh

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Fri 02/22/08 05:33 PM
Xanex?

France1961 Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 140	Fri 02/22/08 05:34 PM
In a way yes I am afraid that I will be abandonned. So I tend to get clingy and needy........A pain in other words. Some guys will run away in a heartbeat....Some will stick around but when they do I don't know how to handle it and I pull away.....I know, "messed up" is what come to mind.....So , once again, any advice is welcome. Thanks

Jistme Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 2991	Fri 02/22/08 05:35 PM
Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy?

1956deluxe Joined Thu 12/06/07 Posts: 8559	Fri 02/22/08 05:35 PM
Are you afraid you will be abandoned? Duh So you are afraid of being abandoned so you abandon the relationship. If you are afraid of the water, why did you get in the boat? Go seek professional help.

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Fri 02/22/08 05:35 PM
Xanex? worked for me short term.

France1961 Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 140	Fri 02/22/08 05:37 PM
Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy? Sure did.

France1961 Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 140	Fri 02/22/08 05:37 PM
Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy? Sure did.

MirrorMirror Joined Fri 10/26/07 Posts: 89680	Fri 02/22/08 05:38 PM Edited by MirrorMirror on Fri 02/22/08 05:39 PM
good luck sweetheart

longhairbiker Joined Tue 09/04/07 Posts: 26589	Fri 02/22/08 05:38 PM
Codependency issues are tough to address and should be addressed by a real clinical psychologist france, not the internet. Don't be a self abuser. You're better than that.

BizarreKelley Joined Sat 01/05/08 Posts: 523	Fri 02/22/08 05:38 PM
I'm not joking or being sarcastic -- you might really think about sitting down and talking to a therapist. Anti-anxiety medicine might not be appropriate since, from at least what you've said, your anxiety is limited to this one instance.. But they're best able to help you get over this. It's going to take some time, and will involve you really delving into what's caused this to develop and you coming up with a plan to get over it. It can be done!

Jistme Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 2991	Fri 02/22/08 05:39 PM
Good.. From the sounds of it. That is what you are doing. Your fears dictate your fate. How do you suppose you stop that?

maxxximus007 Joined Mon 11/13/06 Posts: 6082	Fri 02/22/08 05:40 PM
Some of you may know who I am by some of the posts and replies. I am in dire need of advice and most likely help. I met this wonderful, caring man on the site...And honestly thought that I was ready for that new chapter in my life.But it happened again........It...My issue, my problem, my condition...I was finally able to pinpoint it after pretty much 30 years of devastating, meaningless relationships. It is called Fear of Abandonment...And also Abando-phobism...If any of you out there deal or have dealt with this, please feel free to give me your insights, I 'll take all the help I can possibly get right now. I want to address it and be able to moe on without hurting someone else or/and myself. Thank you in advance. mabe you should going into the relation with the fact that you are in one. then deal with that abandon issue as you go. maybe you dwelling on that fact keeps you from having a lasting relationship. everybody has some one leave them, hopefully you'll find some one who will stay, good luck.

Redsoxfan1 Joined Sat 12/29/07 Posts: 8388	Fri 02/22/08 05:43 PM
I felt that way too, but just take things slow, you should be fine! (I am with kayak69) just go slow! it will be fine!

MsTeddyBear2u Joined Fri 04/06/07 Posts: 22031	Fri 02/22/08 05:46 PM
You could benifit by getting some counseling Hun. Anytime a phobia interfers with living life fairly normal... it is time to get help.

France1961 Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 140	Fri 02/22/08 05:51 PM
You could benifit by getting some counseling Hun. Anytime a phobia interfers with living life fairly normal... it is time to get help. I am willing to do get help. I have no problem with doing so now that I know what it is. Thank you for your advice.