Topic: ♥Just a Dream, a Hopeful Thought♥ | |
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this is really amazing. have you thought of entering your pieces in some type of contest ? you would def. win. Yes I have a poetry page that I have won a free membership for a year and today I am rated as the top poet in the whole site...I am impressed with this, thanks so much for your wonderful comment... Welcome to JSh, btw..OR |
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Thu 02/07/08 07:07 AM I watched you as you stepped out of your truck crossing the street I couldn't keep my eyes off you and there you where looking for me I started to jog as I got closer as soon as you saw this your feet started to move closer, and closer wrapping our arms around one another we buried our faces into each others shoulder you took my chin into your hand and directed my face up toward your eyes suddenly took the first meet it seem like we knew each other always not just the first time, but ETERNALLY we couldn't help but kiss, each others lips sinking into the emotional bliss we felt like we belong right of the start hugging and talking, we didn't want to part so off we went to set our day got some coffee, and drove out on the highway we laughed, and talked of everything in life finally we came upon a place to stop walking down through the forest holding hands, while listening to birds sing came upon a little stream I placed a blanket for us on the ground and look what else I found, a picnic basket for of love made for us, slipping a cherry into your mouth you lean in to me for me to take a part of slowly I come closer to your lips, then I pluck it from your mouth, as we begin to chew, our lips meet and start to kiss, looking into those wondrous eyes, I felt a shiver down deep inside, taken me into your warm inviting chest, We laid together, till late noon kissing and hugging, only hoping soon we'll be one throughout our life with the love we share in gods light you protest to me, you'd fill my heart with glee as our eyes started to flutter closed you pressed me into your wild essences trove being together, flows through the trees brushes by the meadows lands whistles in and out the clouds gushing wildly as it goes passing a hand into the reeds pushing by as it reaps driving the cattails wildly and free shaking all the seeds of love what god has given us from above laying back in the long grass the wind caresses our faces lifting us up from our past drifting and sifting through the cast oh, little ones don't feel down cause in each other you found setting your spirits free so we let the winds carry us off one day soon we'll see this through as it was really meant to be. Love it! Good job! Just one little word internally seemed a little off. I could be wrong but it seems eternally was what you meant. Hope to see many more... |
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Yep, sorry fast posting but the gist is there, and when I put it in my site for my poetry page, it got me top score, I am number one there now...thanks glad you enjoyed, I have seen many mistakes in others poems, but never would have I brought it to their attention, only cause I know it's hard enough just to get the piece out...
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