* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Horn broken, watch for finger.

* My kid had sex with your honor student.

* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

* Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

* I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Keep honking, I'm reloading.

* Hang up and drive.

* Lord save me from your followers.

* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

* Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

* Friends don't let friends drive Naked.

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you
can find a rock.

* Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

*Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.

*My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

*If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

*You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

*This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

*Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

*If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

*The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

*Illiterate? Write For Help

*I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

*You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

*I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

*Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

*It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

*I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

*If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over


*Ax Me About Ebonics

*Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

*Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

*Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

*Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

*How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?