I know that I am stronger already - he keeps trying to suck me back into the ugly and I won't go nor will I stoop to the nastiness that he wants to sink too ... not my style .. I just don't want to hurt somoneone else

There are a lot of great people on this site. However, even the best sites are going to have their share of nutjobs and wackos, so it's important to be careful with whatever you do here.

Some of the red flags that I have either experienced myself, or heard from others:

Anyone who pushes too hard and/or too fast for personal contact information, or too meet right away. This is a bad sign; someone who is truly interested will not try to rush you into anything.

People who ask for nude pictures. This is usually not a good sign, and it apparently happens a lot more than you might think.

People who ask for money.

People who ask you to dance naked in fromt of a webcam (unless it's Eileen; she has her reaons).

Look at their profiles. Sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by what they say -- or don't say. Married people will sometimes not specify anything about their marital status (and sometimes will lie about it, but that's harder to know right off the bat).

Some people use pics in their profiles that are either not them at all, or may have been taken 20 years ago.

If you start talking to someone and are comfortable with getting to know them further, and you decide to meet, make sure the first meeting is in a public place, with lost of people in the vicinity. Make sure someone knows where you're going and when. One strategy I've heard (and wish I had thought of!) is to have a friend call on your cell phone during your first meeting with this new person. If things are going really badly, this can give you an inoffensive and seemingly reasonable "way out" -- "Sorry, I have to go, that was my sister, she was just in an accident" or something.

It's all about safety and protecting yourself. At the same time, it's possible to "safety" your way right out of a good prospect if you're too defensive. So there needs to be a balance.

With most people, I tell them to trust their instincts. If something just seems "wrong," there's a good chance it is. You may not want to close that door right then and there, but keep your eyes open for additional indicators.

And remember -- everybody is different! Just because you have a bad experience with one person, doesn't mean the next one will turn out the same way.

Good luck, and be careful out there!

Hello I am rhon and I joined last Saturday to step outside my box.. I am coming off a self imposed penial embargo after a nasty break up I took some time off to reflect and accept my role in what went wrong , learn grow and focus on myself so I could be a better person.. so here I am thinking about getting back out there - a little gunshy and nervous but I know I can't close myself off forever any advice ??

Just be upfront with the guy, that way he can choose whether to continue or not so you won't hurt him if you decide you're not ready because he'll already know that he was continuing at his own risk with the possibility that things may not work out. Good luck!

Edit: in the time it took me to post that, you and Ken basically discussed the whole issue. Nice work. Haha.

I know exactly how you feel, I was ina simular situation with my ex I completely lost site of who I was and didn't even recognize myself in the mirror.
I woke up one day while he was in prison and realized that as hard as it would be for me to leave him there I had to and find me!! Besides he had plenty of other woman to keep him company including but not excluding his wife(don't ask).
I found myself to be happier without someone than I was with someone, I found a smart, sassy, sexy, sarcastic and funny woman who was just begging to come out!!
I find that the people I encounter 2day luv the way I am and I luv that I can be myself and still make people laugh.
I am also very strong and very independant and I know I don't need a man to make me happy but it would be nice to have someone to hold on to and love who loves me back with all his heart!!
I say this to you, take your time and become best friends with you and then when you find that wonderful woman inside then you have that much more to bring to a good lasting relationship!!
You will naturally attract the right kind of men because you will be secure with who you are.
Men don't like to admitt it but they love a woman that is secure emotionally and is strong and independant...this means there will be less work for them and they can enjoy just relaxing and making you happy!!
I hope I have helped a little in your quest, just be patient and soon you will know when it is right!!
Jenn...

BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DISAPPEAR

that is more about the ex the guys that I have met that are close enough to meet have been great one in particular but then I get this phone call this morning from the ex and I feel that wall of protection rising up around me ..

It's hard, but in my opinion you've really got to separate those feelings towards your ex from the feelings towards new guys. Otherwise, you'll end up sabotaging all your own relationships for fear of getting hurt again.