1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired

President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual

Leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's

Not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in

Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had

Barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,

Officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police

Line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to

Have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two

Different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to

Withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas

Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently,

The take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the

Counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good

Luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a

Lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the

Words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's

Not what I said!' ..

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically

Into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two

Minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the

Man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto , CA ,

Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of

America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to

simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

(hellooooooo)!

8.THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella ,

Located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield , CA , some folks,

New to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried,

They couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very

Sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they

Applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a

Nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was

Wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working

Condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the

Propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys

Jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water,

He was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was

The trailer!

Will the real dummy stand up? I watch those police viedos and people do the dummest things. I like your screen name and I assume you like Jellybeans? The one about the tear gas cannisters is so sad.

I think I used to be married to number 5!