A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note
on his door:

Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the big T!

When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat me."

The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry."

The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's,
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

ROFLMAO. It's great.

thanks snacky that was great

I had read it before, but yours was better. Made me laugh more.
The one I read was in spanish so maybe something got lost in the
translation...