Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary
submitted this...

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser. The effects of
the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
the button AND pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the
same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,
right?!!!There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions
and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie
(for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a
sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-
second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than
three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and
loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to
myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond
description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie
looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it
master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little
ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a
one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION! !!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner and then body slammed us both on the carpet
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side
in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm
tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do
it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,
one note of caution: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ONE-SECOND BURST
when you zap yourself!!! You will not let go of that thing until it
is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the
floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. That
hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was
a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I
had left),sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent glasses were on
the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles and offering a
significant reward for their safe return.

damn, never knew it had so much power, I've tazed a guy...

thats awesome why would anybody ever taser their self?