Topic: Almost afraid to ask... LOL
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Mon 01/14/08 02:49 AM

Thanks Gypsy. I don't really care much if people don't like ME if they actually take the time to know me and then decide its a no... but when people LOOK at me and decide I'm not good enough, that bugs me more than anything. Its not even that I CARE what they think about how I look, its that they let that be the deciding factor. I admit, I can be a bit superficial. However in PERSON when I meet someone its so much less, b/c I have their actual personality to go by and not just a picture. I could care less what someone looks like after I strike up a convo and decide that they're pretty decent. Sadly though, I don't think many others do that... I was watching this movie tonight, called "Queen Sized". It was about this young girl in high school who was nominated for homecoming queen as a joke b/c she was heavy set. It just really got me to thinking about how people treat others based on appearance. Me too even. I am not what you'd call heavy, I don't think anyway, but I'm certainly not a size 2, my boobs aren't the size of Texas, and I'm only about average in attractiveness. That pretty much takes me out of the running for any socially labeled "Hot guys" and most men under like... 30 b/c they actually care what their dweeb friends think...
Hun........its all in the way a person carries themselves anyways.......you could be 200+ lbs and make men cry.......literally.........its in the attitude......:wink:

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 02:57 AM
My attitude right now is that I could really give a sh!t less...lol. To most people you have to be perfect to be accepted, and I'm not so I probably won't ever be. I'm learning to accept my fate and just be happy being by myself. I really DON'T think I'm gonna meet anyone. No matter how much I wish I could be that girl that goes after what she wants, I've always been too scared of getting hurt, at least when it comes to men. I've even backed out of the school idea b/c I KNOW that in some way I'd f*ck it up, so I'm not going to waste my time OR theirs. I've just come to accept that I'm always going to be poor, I'm always going to be in jobs I hate, and I'm always going to be by myself. Thats okay with me, b/c thats the way its meant to be for me.

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Mon 01/14/08 03:00 AM
I think you would do well in school........maybe not now??? maybe later......but it would show all those azzzzzzzzzholes and yourself most of all that you can do it!flowerforyou

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 03:02 AM
I think this site has actually broken my confidence a bit. When I posted that I was thinking about it I got so much negative feedback and insults. I just decided that they were right, I'm a joke and I'm learning to just accept thats what I am.

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Mon 01/14/08 03:05 AM
maybe thats just the way it is right now dont get so down on things ..hell i know i was in a relationship for 14 years and the bottom fell out alot of people are afraid of being hurt i dont see a reason to drop the school idea though because that may be the one thing that may work out plus increase your social life ...:wink: ..i know its easy to get down about things and im alot older and skeptical about trusting people ...just try to be more positive i dont see where you can go wrong with the education

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 03:08 AM
To my friends I'll always be the crazy comic relief, to my family I'll always be the black sheep, to men I'll always be the girl they would sleep with but never marry, and to me.. well... I'll probably always be my least and most favorite person all in one.

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Mon 01/14/08 03:14 AM
jayme you got to tell yourself your better than this i come fro a similar back ground you have got to pull yourself out people will drag you down if for nothing else to make themselves look better ..you pick up those books and better yourself and dont look back if people would treat you bad than you dont need them in your life ..have you made mistakes probably but so have all of us but youve got a lot more life ahead try to make it better so you found you cant depend on anyone else welcome to the world alot of people feel that way ..try to get a more positive outlook on things and move forward ..a friend

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 03:17 AM
I already know I can't depend on anyone...lol, thats been obvious from like.. birth... lol. I still have the OPTION of that one guy, but have decided to just get to now him more first. Damn me and my morals...

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Mon 01/14/08 03:19 AM
theres nothing wrong with morals so few people have them these days remember think positive i know things will get better for you and quit worrying about what people that want to put you down think ..you will be alot better off ..i know im just one person but i dont think bad about you ..thats a start

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 03:23 AM
I just get so sick of trying so hard to be good enough, and still get trampled every step of the way. I moved up here to be closer to the family I grew up with, but they've all decided they don't like how I've turned out either so I'm kinda all alone. My best friend in the world is 300 miles away in Arkansas, there's only one person I hang out with here and he treats me like sh!t; thats nobody's fault but my own and I KNOW that. I actually caught myself being mad at MYSELF b/c he said something mean to me... so he's no longer in my life. I had to cut him out for good. Sadly though, he'll probably be back over next weekend b/c I'm desperate for human contact...

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Mon 01/14/08 03:24 AM
THAT HAD nothing to do with morals.......had to do with being safe........me??? I dont want anything I cant back up.......and for how many years........?

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Mon 01/14/08 03:25 AM
hey jayme.........my best friend is about 250 miles away and is now a heroin addict..........hmmmmmmmmohwell

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 03:30 AM
I really need a trip to Arkansas. My Kimberly is the only person I can ever talk to. I got unlimited long distance for her...lol, but I really need to see her.

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Mon 01/14/08 03:35 AM
since my breakup ive lived in a small town with my 16 year old son i dont get along with my mother because she is an abusive alcoholic and the stories i could tell you about growing up in an abusive house hold my father left when i was 8 and my bestest friend in the world who was like a brother committed suicide when i was 30 but if you spend your time living in the bad past then you cant have a bright future you need to put all the bad things behind you and tell yourself you're better than that ..hell i havent been on a date in 3 years and havent been with a woman since my breakup so i know about needing companionship but i tell myself its got to get better than this and it will so you see we all have trials its all in how you deal with them

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Mon 01/14/08 03:45 AM
jayme if you ever feel the need you can e-mail me any time for now im signing off its been nice talking to you ..and Gypsy i still have those quarters...laugh

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 12:50 PM
*Bump* lol, just wonderin if I'm gonna get any more voteslaugh

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 05:18 PM
i'll remember that... thx peeps:cry:

tallandtttanned's photo
Mon 01/14/08 05:19 PM
hell yea

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 05:26 PM
awww, thanks. LOL, I got 4 yeses out of 300somethin views... I must really be somethin...

JaymeStephens84a0lc's photo
Mon 01/14/08 08:20 PM
Its always discouraging when you see a tumbleweed blow by your post...