#1 Trust is not automatic, it is earned. Be as careful with your heart as you are with your money. When you meet someone and your heart tells you to "trust" them, ask yourself if you would lend them $1000. Rarely would the answer be "yes".

#2 Evaluate what you are looking for in a man. If you consistently go for the same type of man, then you should change what you are looking for. The definition of insanity is consistently doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Check into co-dependency, you may have the cycle in you. That is why you continue to attract the same guys. I wouldn't take the wall down until you have worked on yourself some. JMO

I went through something similar as you...I was married for 11 years, he was also a liar, cheater and mentally/emotionally abusive...I've realized it wasn't going to change and so I decided to leave the marriage...It took me 5 years after leaving my ex that I realized that I was ready to meet new people...I took some time to prioritize my life and heal from the experience, I guess I would have to look at it as, it was a time for healing and growing...self discovery.

I often see people who are in similar relationship as we have had, and after the relationship has ended they are quick to run into the arms of someone else...do I rarely see that new relationship work...people forget that they can't pacify the way they are feeling by jumping into another unhealthy relationship...unfortunately after being in such a unhealthy relationship you need to take the time to heal, to realize that you are truely worthy of being happy, and to regain your self esteem and confidence...and most importantly to allow yourself to trust again...

Trusting someone new isn't an overnight process...it takes time...sometimes a long time. Trust is built not given right away...

I would have to say that perhaps maybe that you need to take sometime for yourself to realize what you want and need in a relationship...you need to get over the first relationship (meaning...letting go of all the emotional baggage)and love yourself for you (because let's face it...when we don't love ourselves, we tend to look for love in the most unhealthy relationships, or addictions)once that happens, things will fall into place....I know that sounds like bunch of crock....but really it's not...give it a try :)

Unhealthy relationships are a vicious cycle....its you that needs to stop it...

I wish you the best of luck...and if you need to talk about it, you can always e-mail me :)

Kataleena

ive been tehre.... mine was only 7 years.... but it was bad enough... but even after i have had a gun pulled on me. a knife held to me.. and been through some situatuions that i cannot even describe.... not to mention the cheating and lying that kinda go along with all the rest....
ive gotta have faith that there is better out there for me... the thing is.. I did nothing wrong...(took me a long time to realize that one).... so with me having done nothing wrong.. i can continue to punish myself for the rest of my life for it.

as for you..
the pain eases.. the time passes, and eventualy you remember how much better you are without him.. and as you find YOURSELF someone wonderful will find you. keep the faith..
you are in my thoughts.