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| Topic: Ride Home [[please crit??]] | |
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::new here, just thought I'd
post a little something I've been working on diligently lately..crits welcomedd..:: _____________ Ride Home. Sitting there alone, You're beside me screaming, and my voice is rasping such a lowly response. I tap quickly the buttons to the one I love, While you make such remarks about his manhood And how he'll never become anything. Tears fall once more, and the scene becomes blurry. A sharp pain in the back of my head agrees. Once more a smack with your strong hand, And then your knuckles ungracefuly collide with my tearful cheeks. Reddened and bruised, I lose service, as you continue to rant. Unapologetic, I continue to cry. I fight back with words and attack your flaming ignorance with my schooled mind. He's more of a man than you'll ever be. __________________________ Like I said, Crits appreciated, and I'll crit back. Promise<3 -Lozer =3 |
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Id say it sux Bro but I dont want to hurt ur feelings so ill say its good
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Id say it sux Bro but I dont want to hurt ur feelings so ill say its good
Wow..how..sweet..^^;; Oh, and I'm, a girl... Not a guy. ^^;; Well, any..erm..crits? |
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yes...i thought you were a girl.
usualy,people write what they go thru. |
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Yesh, sure am a chick. xD
Well, I know..I've been writing poetry for as long as I can remember... erm, this is what I've been through...yew guys confuse me here... |
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Good stuff, Lozer. The passion for writing is undeniable.
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Good stuff, Lozer. The passion for writing is undeniable. Thankiez... This is prolly the last thing I post on here.. I get too confused..xD |
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interesting read and understanding--
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Well, thankiez...
^^;; Any crits..?!? xD I'm dying to make this better.. |
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I say leave it as is........ almost brought a tear to my eye.. very moving.. kudos! Keep writing and posting!
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Well thankiez!
I mean, I know there doesn't need to be tons of changes, but it's not very 'poetic' if yaaa ask me.. maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist? xD well, thankiez ferrr teh crit<3 |
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you write what you feel how can one criticize i hope things get better for you......
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Great work, Lozer
You say it's not very poetic. If the purpose of poetry is to express feeling and instill that feeling in others, then you have suceeded with honours. I cannot abide violence toward women and if you wrote this from personal experience then I hope that guy gets back TENFOLD what he dealt out  
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Great work, Lozer
You say it's not very poetic. If the purpose of poetry is to express feeling and instill that feeling in others, then you have suceeded with honours. I cannot abide violence toward women and if you wrote this from personal experience then I hope that guy gets back TENFOLD what he dealt out
..o.0 It was my Dad. xD 
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
 
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
...Well, it's totally fine. That was, what? A month or two ago. xD
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
...Well, it's totally fine. That was, what? A month or two ago. xD
Lozer, that makes me so sad and angry that you say it's fine. Violence is never fine and should not be suffered. My heart goes out to you
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
...Well, it's totally fine. That was, what? A month or two ago. xD
Lozer, that makes me so sad and angry that you say it's fine. Violence is never fine and should not be suffered. My heart goes out to you
But.. it doesn't bother me anymore? xD I promise ^^;;
But thankiez <3 |
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
...Well, it's totally fine. That was, what? A month or two ago. xD
Lozer, that makes me so sad and angry that you say it's fine. Violence is never fine and should not be suffered. My heart goes out to you
But.. it doesn't bother me anymore? xD I promise ^^;;
But thankiez <3 You're a stronger person than I
My mind would be filled with revenge 
lol |
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..o.0 It was my Dad. xD
...Well, it's totally fine. That was, what? A month or two ago. xD
Lozer, that makes me so sad and angry that you say it's fine. Violence is never fine and should not be suffered. My heart goes out to you
But.. it doesn't bother me anymore? xD I promise ^^;;
But thankiez <3 You're a stronger person than I
My mind would be filled with revenge
lol ACTUALLY, I'm not a very strong person at all. xDD
But I'm also not a revenge-seeking bxtch.. |
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