God knows how much I wanted to send you a bunch of messages on WhatsApp but then again I don’t want to bother you while you are spending time with your brothers so here I am again in front of my computer typing these words, playing my favorite song for you and feeling so emotional. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore why I am so crazy for you but I do not think you have any slightest idea or feeling of what I am going through.

Silent cries, that’s all I can do now so I can relieve myself because I am missing you so much. If you cast a spell on me, then I am under your spell. There is no cure or antidote to reverse what I am feeling for you. You told me once before, “…you are equally loved…” I don’t think you are right, I am not doubting you but I don’t think you even know half of what I am going through—all the feelings I am feeling for you—there is no basic, all intense.

The other night, I texted you and I described to you how I am picturing us in my fantasy land with you, in my world with you. I said we were both lying on the bed and you are telling me stories while we are holding hands under the blanket.

Tonight, I am just here imaging again, this time, you and I walking together, side by side, with your arms around my waist and I am standing so close to you, Jesus, what a lovely thought in my head and then again I am hurting at the same time because I don’t even know if it will ever happen. I have all these beautiful, sweet things in my head, will I ever run out of things to imagine with you in there?

You don’t know how much I am praying, wishing to see you in my future, for you to be my second chance. You don’t have any idea how much you are making me happy every time I am getting messages from you—text or voicemail, how much it completes my day. You have no idea how much I wanted to make the time stop every time we are talking on the phone because I don’t want our conversation to end. You have no idea how many times I would go to my phone to see your face, kiss your lips, I am the perfect epitome of a crazy fool but I am helpless.

I am trying so hard to keep myself so very busy but no matter how busy I am or how tired I am, I could not stop myself from thinking of you especially at night. You may be able to hear happiness in my voice every time we are talking on the phone, my laughter but what you don’t hear are my silent cries every time I am missing you and all I can do is to stare at your pictures and write you short text messages or long letters hoping I could somehow make you feel how much I am loving you. You are not seeing the happiness on my face, how I scream silently of happiness whenever you are sending me voice messages, or a video, a picture of you, most especially when you are telling me the words, “I love you” or whenever you are calling me, “My hunny bunny, my Alice, my girl…” those things owning me, what other sweetest words could ever replace those? None… I am always in heaven, in awe at the beauty of these feelings.

I love you so very much, so very much and tonight as I lay on my bed, I will let myself get drowned so much deeper again with my fantasies of you inside the world I created with you in it. Please forgive this crazy fool who is in love with you, you must understand, she is lost when it comes to loving you. She is at her worst and at her best when it comes to loving you. Her feelings for you are just the worst and the best of her so please forgive her…I love you so very much!