Sniff the milk
Eat over the sink
Wash when the sheets stink
Check messages rarely
After opening the refrigerator door, wondering briefly what is in that tupperware container (it's been there forever) but not checking.
Buy wrinklefree clothing
Fall asleep while the television is on
Put money aside for a large screen flat panel television
Get asked to help other people move in. A lot.
Know the local football team's standings, but not where Iraq is
Know the functions of all the buttons of the remote control, including the TRACKING button
Check plants every four weeks
Don't get asked to watch other people's pets when they're traveling
Get asked to go to weddings. Get asked not to give toasts
Ponder how to get past that First Date hurdle
Allow 15 minutes of apartment cleaning before you expect a visit from a MOTOS.

very funny T