-There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
-If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades they can ingnite
-A 4 year olds voice is lounder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
-If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing a superman cape
-It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
-Baseballs make marks on ceilings
-You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
-When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
-The glass in windows (even double pane) doesnt stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
_When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" its already too late
-A 6 year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies
-A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
_If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing basebals shoes it does not leak-it explodes
_A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000sq foot house 4inches deep
-Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4yr old
-Duplos will not
-Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence
-Super glue is forever
-McGyver can teach us many things we dont want to know
-No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cant walk on water
-Pool filters do not like Jell-O
VCR's do not eject Pb&J sandwiches even though TV commercials say they do
-Garbage bags do not make good parachutes
-Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving
-Always look in the oven before you turn it on
-Plastic toys do no like ovens
-The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
-It will however make cats dizzy
-Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
-Quiet does not necessarily mean dont worry
-A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately,mostly in retrospect

the only lesson i learned from my kid is to use a condom!




oh and never trust his mother!

those are great! gotta love kids...