Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.


"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted

I would have fainted too.

I work in a pharmacy.. and there's nothing I haven't heard.. I get (99 percent of the time = WOMEN) telling me about their STDs, yeast infections (uhm hi there's otc stuff for that now, stop sharing).. and about anything else they just feel like telling me... I'm always think "holy crap I'm not your effin doctor... and I feel bad for whomever that person is" haha.
Seriously some people should just not be able to talk.