We've all been there. You're walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young punks start hurling abuse at you. Most of you would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha (commonly regarded as the Luke Skywalker to the Prophet Elijah's Obi-Wan Kenobi), however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons bears to come and claw the crap out of them.

We christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but I beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It's a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis.


Every year in Israel, divine-bear attacks kill over 500 children.

It should be pointed out that even after his death, Elisha continued to kick ars. II Kings 13:20-21 tells us that when a dead body was thrown into his tomb and touched Elisha's bones, it sprang back to life. It's unknown whether Elisha had this power in life, as well as death, but we like to think he did and that he had the habit of killing his victims with bears, resurrecting them, and then promptly re-summoning the bears to kill them, again. He'd just repeat the whole thing over and over until he got bored.

wow bible anime.......

I can tell you from personal experience when you send out Christmas cards with Bible verses like these you get a lot of phone calls asking if your OK in the head

I maime christmas cards with dark humor, make them remember it. i doubt they get displayed or taped to the wall though.