Ironically I am a published Author. But breaking the ice I think is the hardest thing about online dating. You want the person to contact you but yet trying to say something that might stand out from one person to the next is difficult.

How easy is it for all of you to break the ice in a person. Do you think being a woman is easier to break the ice. Then it is for a man. Or do you think its pretty equal.

i would think it's much easier for a woman to approach a man. maybe it's just how i react but it seems like i'm more open to a woman coming up and talking to me then what they seem to be when i talk to them. perhaps it's the fear of rejection thing that makes it change. when somebody comes up to you, you have no fear of rejection because you know their already interested. but turnt hat around when you go up to somebody you have no idea what their thinking so it makes it a lot more difficult. or it could be that i'm slightly retarded......

i think it is equal.

Its much easier online for sure. Then people do not risk that "face to face" rejection or presuure.

I think its also equal between men and women these days.

And age/experience plays a factor as well. If you are young, you get scares anytime. As you get older you get more life experience and usually that will break down the "being nervous" walls a lot (not all of them, but its much less than when you are younger)

I have seen many women here I would like to introduce myself to, but don't because of one reason..distance. I will chat with anyone as a friend. But I realize if she is going to be that special woman in my life, its not going to happen if she is 3,000 miles away. I have tried the "long distance" thing before and for me, it just doesn't work. I want to be close to her for many reasons. If she has had a bad day or something traumatic happens, it's nice to be there to comfort her. And I'm just a romantic at heart, so maybe surprise her with a little sunset dinner and such. A lot of little things you simply can't do from 3,000 miles away.

But "breaking the ice"..its very easy. And on-line its even easier.

Just my view.

Fear of rejection is a large part. Also there is a psychological reasoning behind why some very attractive people often seem unapproachable in the idea they will automatically reject you. While this isn't a fact of their actions it is a often feared by not only men but as well as women.

I think it is easier for a woman to break the ice.
As guys I think sometimes we're afraid of rejection, so we don't aproach.

I'm a guy w/plenty of female friends, for the most part they aproach me.

Must be sense of humor, sure ain't looks.

I agree with you I do believe its easier for a woman to break the ice. Confidence is good, as long as your not so confident that your end up being a narcissist. Extreme turn off to people who think they are above others.

As a fellow published author (and about to be so again in the near future), I can tell you about my experiences here.

I used to believe that the ability to write well -- to assemble something coherent, thought-provoking, amusing, relevant -- would serve me well on a site heavily reliant upon the written word.

And I have posted over 6000 times in the past year -- and have received a great deal of feedback, the vast majority of it positive, and have corresponded with dozens of great people I now think of as friends, people I never would have met if not for this venue.

BUT -- insofar as meeting someone for dating is concerned, I could be John freakin' Updike and I'd never get a date here!

I used to try to send little "Welcome" notes to new local people on the site. They never responded. Eventually I just gave up on writing to anyone first -- for whatever reason, it just doesn't work -- and decided to let them contact me.

And THAT has worked -- I get plenty of e-mail here -- almost entirely from people who saw something I wrote in the forums. And that's fine; I enjoy discussing all kinds of topics, and I have ongoing conversations with many of these people.

But, in all honesty -- and with one exception -- I have never received an e-mail here from anyone I would consider datable. That probably has more to do with my own personal standards than anything else. The one exception occurred when an ex-girlfriend set up an account here solely for the purpose of getting in touch with me after two years; she is very datable, but of course I knew her long before I ever found JSH, so that doesn't really count!

So, my roundabout and convoluted comment to your original post is that I don't even bother trying to break the ice anymore -- it never works.

If THEY want to break the ice, it's up to THEM. I answer all my e-mails, unlike so many of the people I tried to communicate with in the past. I see it as common courtesy. But I'm not going to waste any more time chasing anyone here.

I agree, online chating seems to bring out the real you without all the fears associated with it

Whats so hard about breaking the ice over the internet???Its the internet....if the person doesnt write back..its no big deal..NEXT!!

its just as hard for a woman to break the ice as it is for a man,we too have the fear of rejection.

I totally agree with you on that. Which is why I am in here instead of searching for a particular match. I enjoy discussing different things on here. Although I did just join. However I do discuss different things in different areas on the web.

I believe people are often more fixated on looks or ones weight then the actual personality. While not all of us are like this. But a good majority are.

I find it sad, many great and wonderful and beautiful people are passed up because they are not visually appealing. But if you think about it in a few years when the looks fade. All you have left is personality.

this is sooooo true!!

I agree..Hawaii and I have had intimate encounters on many occassions! I just wish she would be here for one of them!!!

(Hawaii..I'm JOKING sweetheart!)

i KNOW YOU ARE DEAR!!

I guess what I mean about breaking the ice. What do you say in a interest that your attempting to woo.

You would think cause I have dictionary brain I could come up with something, better then " Hey nice profile. Lets chat sometime".

I just find it hard. Perhaps cause its easy for everyone else.

yes, I think it is easier for women to break the ice, because we women, we is dah ice so we can break it anytime we feel like it

you are full of it it is the looks you hot man from virginia guess who another comment from punk

you all can write me..I won't reject you:)

Seems like maybe your just a bit shy..and thats ok. I use to be that way when I was younger. but as I live life, it taught me there nothing really to be "shy" or "scared" of. It could also be due to my own life. I have my own motto .. "I fear so little, because I have overcome so much".

As for what do you say to a woman?? Just be yourself. An example..going to use Hawaii for this..I hope she does not mind.

"Hi Hawaii, my name is Steve. I had read your post and seen your profile and just wanted to introduce myself and say hello. You have a GREAT smile! And it seems we have some things in common,like music, concerts, walking on the beach, etc., maybe we could chat sometime?

If you're interested in chatting, hit me back! Hope to hear from you!

Take Care!
Steve "

Thats basically it. Nothing fancy, its just a "hi" and an introduction. No "lines" no games, no bs.

Just my opinion. I'm single and no date...so maybe I'm just wrong!