i did try to help him.............i gave the relationship over 3 years............i couldn't handle being called a whore for no reason or being told i was f***ed up in the head anymore.

YOU CANNOT HELP THOSE WHO WILL NOT HELP THEMSELVES!!!
You did nothing wrong Amber...I resent THAT post bc818...very thoughtless!

bc818...have you ever lived with an alcoholic?

i SO agree with you...and it's codependent to feel otherwise.

we are NOT responsible for fixing others...and it is NOT our fault.

telling him that you loved him was a GOOD thing, because now he can't tell himself that your split was from lack of feelings. he needs to understand that it is his CHOICES that broke you up...

and if he never changes, that's not your problem, either.

apparently you live in some kind of fantasyworld.Addicts need to want help and can take you down with them like abusive people.
Amber you didnt screw up and maybe you could attend a support group of some kind like al anon with people who have lived with an alchholic and dont talk thru their hat like Bc818

bc818 is a child of 20 yrs. and does not know what he speaks of.

i'm only 24 myself, y'all, i was bc's age when i met my ex.

my first husband was an alchoholic but not abusive,just couldn't keep a job,cheated..i was young and naive.

Amber...you didn't do anything wrong. You are a wonderful and thoughtful and caring woman.

You also have a good head on your shoulders...you know what's best for you!

yes it hurts I know!! see i was dateing some one and happen to fall in love with her and her kids . I told her from the start not to lie to me .
I done every thing I could to show her that I love you and kids. I gave them pant shirts,,games whatnote to her flowers just becouse i cared. she call me and told me that her car was broken down what did i do . let her use one of mine . for two week she put over 2000 miles on it.
she told me a buch of lie. i not going in to all of it. any way she was post to be in hoptail with her kid for a week found out that was a lie . i went got my car. she want talk to me. i just like to know if I done the right thing. huring becouse i do care for her and the kids. should i handle it defent.

You've done the right thing so far. I disagree with the person saying to say friends with him and try to help him. First, he can only help himself and second, keeping in contact is only going to lengthen the amount of time it takes to get over him. I strongly suggest you do not start trying to date someone else if you are in the aftermath of breaking up a long term relationship. You have to heal before you can move on.

What confuses me is that you say "is this normal to miss something that was good for nearly 3 1/2 years" and then you mention in another post that he verbally abused you by calling you a whore and ****ed in the head. How could the relationship have been "good" if that was going on?

Do you want to try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped and have them drag you down or do you want to take some time to get your head straight and figure out what you want in this life?

What is important to you? What makes you happy? What do you do for yourself that makes you happy? What are you looking for in a man? Are you willing to settle for less than what you deserve? These are the type of questions you should be asking yourself.