Pre-knot
Can't we just be friends? = There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again.

I just need some space = ... without you in it.

Do I look fat in this dress? = We haven't had a fight in a while.

No, pizza's fine. = You're cheap !

I don't want a boyfriend just now. = I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I don't know, what do you want to do? = I can't believe you have nothing planned.

Come here = My puppy does this, too.

I like you but = I don't like you.

Of course I love you = ... just not in that way.

You never listen = You never listen.

We're moving too quickly = I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

Oh no, I'll pay for it myself = I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

Post-knot
We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"Be romantic, turn out the lights." = "I have flabby thighs."

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need black shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of black

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful... or else...

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Yes = No

No = No

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


The Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really Saying...
I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired. = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let's have sex now.

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50! They should have GIVEN you hair!

Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. OR I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.

While Shopping
Yes, that one's nice. = Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?

That one looks great on you. = Pick any dress and let's go home!

I like that one better. = Pick any dress and let's go home!

Uh-huh. = Pick any dress and let's go home!

Zzzzz Zzz Zzz Zzzzz . . . . . . . . = Pick any dress and let's go home!

I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.

It makes you look fat = I don't need sex for a while.

dude, i love you.

That was funny...And somewhat accurate...LOL...

Now I'm smarter then I was yesterday

--damn--almodt spewed on my monitor---