If a man drinks too much - I'm talking swigging vodka out of the bottle, drunk - Does that excuse the things that he says or does during that "episode?"

A friend of mine has had a pretty rough go of things, going through a nasty divorce and he's had some painful health problems lately -- but I never know what I'm coming home to anymore (I rent a room from him - partially, so that he's not alone) ... If he's been drinking, I'm likely to get cussed out and told to get out...

He got wasted the other night (only the 3rd time in 5 months) that he's done that - and cussed me out over the phone .. took the phone off the receiver .. and locked me out of the house. I came in, checked on him (he was passed out in his bed) got my dog and a change of clothes - then went and stayed in my car...planning on sleeping there, if need be.
We're in a small town that's at least a thirty mile drive from a motel...I was exhausted (I'd worked all day, taken care of my grandson until around 9:30, and I'm recovering from a nasty bout of flu) so I was too wrung out to drive anywhere else and didn't want to wake up any of my friends that late at night.

He came out, woke me up (thank God it wasn't below freezing here yet, as I didn't have much to cover with) and begged me to come in to the house. He was in horrible pain, I know, but still swigging vodka.

He's never hurt me, physically, and I know that he genuinely cares about me (probably more than he should)but I'm really getting to the point where I'm scared of him. If I leave here, he'll be alone ... but if I stay, will I have to deal with this every time I am out and come "home?"

He apparently has no memory of what he's said to me or what he's done ... but he is aware that he's got a near-violent temper. He also has guns in the house...I have handled guns all my life and am trained to use them -- but I also am all too aware that loaded guns, booze, and a bad temper are not a good mix...

I talked to him tonight and told him that I will not stay here any longer, if he's going to continue to go off the deep end like that. He seemed sincere in his apology but I know he didn't mean to let it happen this time - what will stop him the next time?

Should someone be forgiven for what they say or do - if they are drunk at the time?

Absolutely not...i dont know if ive ever been drunk to the point where i dont know what im saying. alcohol usually only brings out the truth in people and the honesty in their behavior and personality. He may be hurting physically but its no excuse to hurt you mentally.

I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but past behavior is the best way to predict future behavior.

MAN...let me tell you. I used to say yeah sure..they were drunk, but then I dated a person who said and did some things to me; there is NO excuse. F*ck that SH*T! I've been wasted a few times in my past and I KNOW what I'm doing and obviously he does too if he's feeling remorse and begs you to come back in. It does lead to violence and self hatred and pity and excuses and apologies....history repeats itself. Forgive but don't ever forget. He'll do it again, and with time, it'll probably get worse especially before it gets better. I'd get out of there and tell him to clean up his act...yeah, he's in pain...poor him; people go through rough times and he's an adult and should figure out how to cope without some screwed up crutch that hurts others. Sorry...this is a RANT for sure, but I have STRONG feelings about that kind of thing.

no he will do it agin get out trust me next time it will not bee good will he stop i dont think so.you have a good live ahead of you dont play with fire. i hope this helps

I dated someone for almost 2 years who swore that if he did something while "blacked out drunk" it didn't happen. Final straw... he came by my house after work one night (he was a bartender... worked early and stayed for "a few" after his shift)... he was SO drunk, I yelled at him for driving to my place. He got angry, hit me in the face and I had a black eye as a result. (This is the night the relationship ended)... through mutual acquaintances it came back that he couldn't have hit me because he isn't the abusive type... and that he would have remembered something THAT drastic... in almost 2 years of dating, that was the ONLY time he'd ever struck me. It was also the last... and YES... I hold him accountable for his actions.

nope, we are all responsible for our actions. I would tell him to stop and get some help or you are out of there. Maybe you should be outta there regardless. anyway, you need not feel obligated to him, you have yourself and your life to look after.

NOT AT ALL!YOU NEED TO LEAVE BEFORE YOU GET HURT.YOU CAN NOT FIX WHAT SOMEONE ELS BROKE!!!!!!!NO EXSCUSE FOR ABUSE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOOD LUCK!!