aje26 you may be right introducing them to early may be scaring them away. I just feel that is what needs to be done so their are no surprises.

I believe you are right, unsure. I have recently had to break off a relationship with a man who claimed to love me - but would not allow me to enter his life. From the beginning, I was skeptical, but because of lessons learned during my recent past, made the decision to wait and see what would happen. Months went by - we'd meet at my house about once a week - between times, calls were rare and dates were rarer. I finally had to accept (inside myself) that what I was hoping for was NOT the same thing I thought I had.
Thankfully - a thing I know I will thank the Good Lord for every day for the rest of my life - He has sent me a miracle. A wonderful, loving, generous, compassionate, forgiving, honest and sensitive man who is eager to become part of all I am - including my 7 children. I have no idea what I could ever have done to have deserved this kind of love, but I know something precious when I see it.
BDF, DONT compromise!! As my mother used to remind us when we were kids .... If there is doubt, it MUST be wrong! I think this simple adage can apply even in matters of the heart. Please, please, take the advice of those who've offered. Concentrate on your children - meantime, learn of yourself, what you want, who you are, where you want to be - they will lead you if you trust them.
With hope ..
B

B, thank you for the great advice. I have been just concentrating on my kids and if the Lord decides to send me someone, great if not he didnt for a reason.

Its good that you think its going to be beneficial in the long run. But honestly if they run, then you haven't taken the time out to establish the relationship before meeting the kids. Plus, is it really fair for your children to keep meeting all these women that you have a semi-interest with, only for them to leave and not be there anymore? Your kids should not be so involved in your love life right away.

Good luck to you!

I'd have to agree with you there, aje. I still have a 17 yo and 6 yo at home, and I must keep them in mind when dating. It is hard at first - when you feel every fiber of your being longing for companionship and hoping against hope that this is surely 'the one'.
A parade of possible lifetime partners cant be anything but bad for your family. Besides, you risk THEM becoming attached to someone YOU may not feel a connection to.
Remember your mistakes. Avoid new ones. Preserve the love and respect of those that remain by your side. Be wise.

I had no idea the lord sends us mates...so if I just sit in my house all day long he will send me one??? Where do I sign up?

thanks aje and b. My eyes have been opened a little. It is just very hard for me to do anything without my kids. I dont see what it would hurt to leave them out just a little in the beginning at least in the meeting aspect of the relationship. They will allways know from the beginning that i do have kids and they are a huge part of my life.

HAHAHAHA Gypsy ...
I didnt do it. That's all I know. I have been blamed, but I know the truth.

I am thankful.
Period.

Finally, I feel confident in hope for the future. :)

Parenthood is not for everyone.
And the insta-family is a real tough one... especially i most cases where the ex is still involved.

Let your kids be the factor that decides keeper or not. If she sticks around, knowing full well about the kids, chances are you've got one worth keeping...

If she runs... well, you owe more to yourself and those kids.

I'm a firm believer in the all-or-nothing, package deal. It has happened in the past where I have had a real connection with someone... but he did not want to commit to me AND my kids... so I showed him the door. It sucks... but the kids were in your life first... and they will be in your life no matter what... better to not lose sleep over somebody who is too blind to see how great they are.

you got it singingmyheartout. Thanks

Something I have done in the past... that worked out well... depending on the girl you are seeing... introduce her as a friend. Keep it platonic while the kids are around.... let her spend time with them once in awhile... go to Chick E Cheese or invite her for "Family Board Game Night"... show her what a great time you have as a family. It isn't just the kids needing to acclimate to the change, but also the girl. In making it platonic in front of the kids, if it doesn't work out, you can always write a letter and mail it to the kids after the fact (pretending to be her) and making up an excuse like "I'm sorry I can't come and visit, but I had to move to another city for my job... be good for your dad" type thing.

Just a thought.

great advice singing, i will try that next time and who knows it may work. I especially like the note thing, i have never thought of that. My little girl woke up so i have to go. thanks everyone for the advice and God bless to you all.