Hmm. I could respond to this in several ways, but I think what I will go with is the ideal.

When people who say "that person is well adjusted," and they are CORRECT in the best possible way, what that means, is, that the person has NOT "conformed," they have found a way for the person who they really are to interact reasonably successfully with the challenges that they face, and the desires they pursue.

By definition, if you have tried to sublimate the real you, in order to gain some advantage you think you can buy by selling a bit of your soul, then you are NOT "well adjusted" in the ideal sense.

But of course, as with any concept, there are people who use it for something else entirely, and there are people who will use the " well adjusted" label to refer to anything from abject submission to their authority, to self-centered destructive conquest of everything the person confronts. In an ideal sense, those people wouldn't qualify as well adjusted, and more than someone who is angry all the time, because nothing goes the way they wish it would, and they refuse to try a different approach.

I think if you have to adjust then the chemistry was never right to begin with, move on.


But 'well adjusted' in a dating sense to me has always meant simply that the person has their chit together.

I feel the need to adjust my post because my response was hasty, and this question deserves a lot more consideration


I do believe its human to adjust behaviors to get the things we want.

BUT...

The bigger question is "WHAT DO WE WANT/NEED" out of LIFE?

Ultimately, we all want/need inner peace and contentment , and to me, being well adjusted means finding that inner peace, and some degree of peace with others by making some kind of reconciliation between :-

1. Who we are,
2. Who we desire to be,
3. The life we want .
4. Behaviors required to function with others in our world

And that involves making some difficult judgment calls at times, when those 4 things are at odds with each other , which they often are .

Ive observed for example that shy celebrities, are dichotomies in that they seek a mike and stage for the public expression their heart needs, but they often hate the spotlight on their lives that the stage and mike attract.

I think ultimately they make the judgment call of sacrificing some of the anonymity they crave for the public expression that their heart needs, and in some cases , the luxuries it affords them.

There are some shy artistic people on the other hand, who struggle so much with the spotlight that they would rather sacrifice that public expression and comforts they crave for the anonymity they need.

I dont think either person is being fake . I think both are negotiating the best inner peace that they can, when the 4 things I listed earlier are at odds with each other.

So to answer your question:-

"What if the existing condition can't be altered?
Do you think these are the only options?
1. Fake it.
2. Accept the limitation? "


If your existing condition cant be altered, then I dont think faking it is a viable option because imposed duplicity is a direct threat to the inner peace we all seek

Accepting the limitation is a viable option, but that person has to find healthy coping mechanisms to offset the depression , anger, jealousy , or inner turmoil , which often accompany one's inability to reconcile the 4 things I listed above

And to answer your other questions:-

"What if improving alignment requires an adjustment that skews the real you?

At what point does conforming to fit in start to betray your individuality?"

The "real you", IMO is the person who is striving to negotiate the best peace they can with who they honestly are, the life they want ,and a satisfactory level of peace with the rest of the world. Once you continue to engage in that authentic journey, the real you isn't being skewed.

As for the act of conforming ...

Conforming is only necessary to the extent that some semblance of a happy medium can be achieved between peace with yourself and peace with the world. Thats the balance many of us seek.

Any conforming that sabotages that end IMO , is a betrayal of one's individuality and true self

If you strive to know yourself and be the person you want to be, how important is it to have others think of you as well-adjusted?

Nobody walks life in your steps. Nobody knows how you make considerations on the actions you take. Without you, what are you, a puppet?

If adjusting to life's circumstances is not easy for you consider the fact that if you can't adjust the result is madness or death.

It seems that a lot of people feel they must 'fit in' with society. Society is twisted and fragmented in its ideals. Society doesn't know or care what you need in your life outlook.

When you find the real you, it won't matter who thinks you are adjusted.

Think of your car seat.
You adjust it for you. You feel it is Well-Adjusted.
If someone else gets in the seat they might not feel it is well-adjusted.
They will adjust it for their preference.
When you get back in the seat, you readjust it for you again.
When you get it adjusted where YOU want it again, it is then well-adjusted.