LMAO... love it.

I'm not even sure what all I wrote on my profile. I know it is a lot shorter than the ones I've done in the past or on other sites. I used to have my myspace addy there because that's where you can really get a feel for who I am, but took it off after one guy used it to look me up on the internet and somehow I had a profile down south in Brownsville and McAllen.

My new given is women who start their profile "first off and foremost I'm a mother and my children come first" ok is this a prerequisite to your profile? Do we have a problem with this? Before I get defense mail if you scroll down your profile you see two boxes oh neat it says HAVE CHILDREN and THEY LIVE AT HOME. Glad I could help. Ya ya ya I know why you put that at the beginning of your profile. Because first you got tired of hotties contacting you and when they find out you got kids they dump you because hotties don't have time to scroll through your 22 minute profile full of freaking poems and song lyrics! Oh but if I make him scroll through all that garbage that means he cares enough to jump through hoops for me to get to me. NO it means you put an obstacle in the way of the "mr. Right" you so desperately seek to contact you. Mr. Right has no time for games or silliness for he is mr. Right. Right? Common sense goes a long ways. Please use liberally. Secondly you put I'm a mother of 12 wonderful children first and foremost because you are the defensive mother hen over her brood of chicks and you are so proud of your children and take honor in the fact that you have experienced childbirth. I have not and have no desire to squeeze a watermellon through my nostril. But drop the threats on your profile. "I'm first and foremost a mother and if you don't like it you can just....... Fill in the blank. Umm it might just be me but I find if you put threats and ultimatums on your profile you get zero replies. Then I have to listen to your whinin *****in crap solicitations of pity in the threads that always start with "why can't I........" cmon! You women don't like abusive guys. Do you think we want to date an abusive woman who puts threats and ultimatums in their profile? Uh- NO!!!!!! So please change your ad to a more freindly, respectable profile that attracts not repels. And thank you for your time. And if you believe I'm wrong keep this in mind; on 11/12/07 I received 190 replies and messages. On 11/21/07 I received 91. How many did you get?

i love the ones who say they are not looking for one night stands then in the first 30 sec of the convo they want to know your bra size and tell you how big their penis is and about their sex drive...lmao...uhmmmm okkkkkkkkkk

like ya know, I always say kewl! cuz like ya know,B*tchin
was like ya know, gag me!! For sure!!!

And how about those people who put 900 word poems and song lyrics in their profiles? Do you want to meet someone or what? Besides you always seem to pick a song that EVERYBODY already knows the lyrics to because the song was great on the radio the first MILLION times we heard it. I give you a three thumbs down for originality and simon cowell gives you the finger. I often wondered how many replies I would get if I put the lyrics of childrens songs on my profile. Hickory, ****ory, dock and who can forget itsy bitsy spider or the unforgettable I'm a little teapot. Ha ha ha ha. Inbox- zero replies!

Hmmmmmmmm I wonder if my profile is ok???

song lyrics,
music buffs will know this tune.
ted sniffing glue he was twelve years old fell from the roof on east two nine,
Kathy was eleven when she pulled the plug 26 reds and bottle of wine
bobby got leukemia 14 yrs old he looked like 65 when he died
those are the people who died died died they were all my friends and they just died

is that what you mean long hair?

You pimpin dude???

No that's ok. Short, sweet, gets the point across. Its the person who has to put the lyrics-all of them to takin care of business by bto or gimme three steps by lynyrd skynyrd that blows my mind. Its like me putting childrens nursery rhymes on here. At least they advertise their 8th grade educations.

Not pimpin- yet. Just being nice is getting me swamped with replies. Which is amusing because my profile really sucks.

But fear not, I have the tools to change it and make it better. Although the guy who put chili pepper taster in his occupation box and then put explosive diarhea in his hobbies box I thought that was funny.

And the 18 year old girls who put "party" in every box. I find that funny. Occupation: party. Hobbies: party. So how's that alcoholism goin for ya? She replied "f*** you old man, you're just jealous and wished you could party!" and yknow what? She's right! Ha ha ha ha!

I'm just havin fun too everyone. Put whatever you want on there. It really speaks volumes about yourself. Happy thanksgiving.

Ah geek, I like your style. Too bad you aren't a girl (or too bad I'm not, depending on how you look at it).

The ones that make me cringe:

"Princess looking for a Prince(Charming)" Great. Men love trying to live up to impossible ideals. And just so ya know, the princess thing is only cute if you're less than 12 years old. Otherwise it's just creepy.

"Tired of playing games" So, you don't like head-games and emotional abuse? Amazing. Not like a player is gonna tell you up front that he's gonna play ya, or care if you want it or not. Brilliant.

"Where are all the nice guys/Do they exist?" Most of them are still in the 9th grade, wondering why they can't get a date. When will women realize that THEY determine our sexual behavior? If the ONLY way to get sex were to carve out one of your lungs and give it to a girl... there would be a lot of guys running around with one lung. Think about that for a second and you will see where the nice guys went :p


Not trying to be mean, but I'm kinda new to online dating and yet I've already seen these cliches a thousand times.

um....can someone check my profile for me? let me know if its ok! dont worry, i take criticism well!

funny

Ahhh another paradox of life. Invariably when you're straight your humor and your activities will be mainly appreciated by those of the same sex. I said it somewhere else, God is having one cosmic laugh watching us all fuddle around. No other species has these issues....advanced....yeah right.

I could take a look at your profile for you SDM, but then if I make you popular there'd be too much competition.

haha...i probably would rather the criticism by email! dont want EVERYONE to know my flaws!

Things to stop putting in profiles,,,

intresting,, I don't think you should stop, but a better description could be asked for. Like

just saying "I like to have fun" . That could be anything from "riding a horse" to
"I like to play leapfrog nekkid on a slip and slide covered in wesson oil"

Just say what you really want and don't leave statements like that wide open.

OLE KNOX'S LIST OF THINGS HE'D RATHER NOT SEE IN WOMEN'S PROFILES:


1."I'm best friends with my ex."

HUGE RED FLAG! This statement tells me that they could be "friends with benefits" or at the least, the ex is gonna be around a lot, no doubt interfering with your relationship--and she'll be unable to see what's going on.

2."My Kids Come First."

OK, that's the way it should be. But don't go to the exterme. What if one of your kids don't like the guy you've met? And what if that ex that's always around "poisons" the kid's mind to where he now despises the guy you're dating? Exercise caution. Like adults, a kid's opinion is just that--an opinion.

3."I Like To Party"

This was alluded to earlier. It's OK to mention it--once. But, unless you're a skank like Paris Hilton, "Party" is NOT a profession.

4."I'll Write This Later"

It's bad form to throw a profile up with NO details listed, except for the promise to "fill it in when I get time". If you cannot take the few minutes to fill out a basic profile, where are you ever gonna find the time to reply to an e-mail someone writes you, much less finding time to actually go out on a date with someone?

5. "You must be THIS tall to date"

Is it just me, or have a lot of women on JSH(especially local women)forgotten to include their height? I'm amazed at the number of local to me women who are listed at under 5' tall.

6."No Answer"

Whenever I see "no answer" I automatically assume that they're trying to hide something. Have Kids? No Answer. That tells me that not only you have kids, but for some reason, you're ashamed to admit it. Same with smoking, drinking, religion, ect.

7."I'm not a poet, but I don't Know It."

Something else alluded to earlier. When I look at a profile, I want to read a little about the person--not their version of poetry, most of which came directly from the "The longer a poem is, the better it is" train of thought. It's not, BTW.

8."Here's my assets--BOTH of them."

I love the number of "Christian" women on here who claim to be full of virtue--then their pic is one where their hooters are practically falling out of their tops. That doesn't tell me you're a "nice girl"--that tells me you'd love to audition for a porn movie.

Well, there you have it. I'm sure I'm gonna get tons of hate thrown my way over this, but hey, my opinion was asked for, and as anyone who knows me can attest to, holding back is one of my weaknesses(maybe I should have mentioned THAT on my profile )

8."Here's my assets--BOTH of them."

I love the number of "Christian" women on here who claim to be full of virtue--then their pic is one where their hooters are practically falling out of their tops. That doesn't tell me you're a "nice girl"--that tells me you'd love to audition for a porn movie.



or they claim to be a nice Christian girl and than you scroll down and what do you read? "I LOVE TO PARTY"