To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.

Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed
with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".


2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.


3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.


4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.


5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen,
but only after fully carrying out task
1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.


6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good
game. The
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
sevens side by
2005.


7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The
98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your
borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the
bad guys. Merde is French for "shit"


8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.


9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.


10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

WE as Americans should have wiped england and france along with Germany
in WWII

maybe the US and it's western allies shoulda gone after Russia instead.
Mighta saved 50 years of bullshit. Oh and by the way cougar, the US DID
go after England just not in a warlike way. Since WW2 was about
liberation the US bullied Britain into allowing the British colonies to
vote whether they wanted to be independant or not, effectively
eliminating the British empire. Funny how they told Britain imperialism
is dead and yet the US had its OWN inperialistic aims AND allowed Russia
to gain the countries of Eastern Europe. THIS was hashed out at the
bargaining table during the big 3 conferences.