Hi everyone. I am brand new to this site and I am so happy to find it. If for no other reason than to trade ideas and inspiration for this parenting gig. I know I feel overwhelmed at times and I'd bet this is no surprise to anyone here. But, I have a question that has haunted me for years and would love to hear your thoughts.

At what point do you allow someone into the kiddos' lives? I do share custody with their father, who is very attentive and awesome. But between work, errands, work, PTA fundraisers, I rarely have time alone, although I think I could tweek this a bit if I found someone wonderful. The point is, someone who wants to be with me has to "go with" often, or we would never cross paths. So, Im stuck between bringing someone in, who may not stick around, or just give up the idea of human affection for the next ten years or so.

What say you?

First its wise to seek counsel. Second you need to specify ages of kids as young ones should not meet any new men until a definitive commitment is made so they do not form an attachment and then be abandoned again.... Your pleas for not having affection due to having children is immature as you are free to date and do as you wish just not at home in front of the kids... Assume more responsibility is a great first step and not sacrifice the kids is the next Learning how to be a single person with kids simply requires new social skills and the willingness to assume adult responsibility..

Hi I think that you can have it all. There are those who love kids and who will see this fact as an added bonus. In this way they will be flexible when it comes to your relationship.

Welcome, WhatIfNow.
Wishing you luck on your search.
In my opinion, advice is best used by the one who gives it.

It's a tough one

Maybe another mother would be best to answer.

I have no advice to give, except use your intuition, but I wish you lots of love and happiness.

Good luck

Honestly when I was single and I had my kids at home I didn't. Period... I didn't bring men into my children's except on rare occasions.

I didn't want them to form attachments to someone that might not be staying in their lives.


How I did test the waters. Was this...

One time I had been dating this guy for about 6 weeks and I thought hmmm let's test the waters. One of the favourite things my kids and I loved to do was go to the zoo... I often invited colleagues and friends along so I knew my kids wouldn't think anything was up if I invited someone on that day.

Well I am glad I did. I had 4 very active kids... It is a great way to test the waters to see how they all interact. This guy was a wonderful man, but he would have been so overwhelmed with my active kids. So there was no harm no foul and kids never knew he was someone of interest.

I know many friends let their kids know and "interview prospective" dates and I don't agree with it. I see the long range effects that this has on kids.

So I guess the bottom line is to do what you feel best. I personally wouldn't have my kids on my profile, Social media of any kind.

Welcome and Best wishes in your search

Life is a risk. Having people come and go is apart of life and it is how the socialism is learn by the children. Having a trusting mom teach the children to learn how to have new relationships. If you think they will have just one well we know the answer to that. Teaching how to say hello and goodbye without fear is mom's job. Good luck.
Dave