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| Topic: Start a relationship with a white lie | |
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Your heart is consistently in the right place Jimmy and clearly you are loyal to your friend and that's admirable 
But Im not sure if you are looking at your friends actions objectively. Even though his character and intentions are good, and his love is sincere and the trauma he experienced was a legitimate trigger for his extreme behaviour, the end result is that his present mental state, and over the last year, has been alarmingly UNBALANCED. Fabricating and actively sustaining an alternate identity for a year, no matter how traumatic the trigger for that behaviour ,is NOT NORMAL. Being on a suicide watch after a break up is NOT NORMAL. You are doing a great job of being a non-judgmental and supportive friend , but that guy appears to need professional help Jimmy. Him being messed up DID NOT start with his present break up,. For him to have acted the way he did for a year, and to be presently in this suicidal state, he has been on a downward spiral for a long time now , possibly since his relationship with the gold-digging ex, and before he met this last woman he fell in love with Like I said before, maybe you can consider tactfully suggesting to him that he talk to a counsellor to help him navigate this difficult patch in his life. Living two alternative lives doesn't make a person mentally challenged and having suicidal thoughts after a love trauma or break up is a very normal thing if you love someone from your heart. I have not been in touch with him for last 10 years so not sure how he is now but he looks fine to me when I met him i.e. mentally. But still let me try to unite them and if it doesn't work then suggest him such a path. Right now going to a counsellor for help would be the last thing in his or my mind. This is a terrible time for your friend, but a wonderful opportunity for his own personal growth if he eventually opens up himself to it and you can be very instrumental in pointing that out to him. But I do respect that he needs some time to wrap his brain around his present reality/misery. And hopefully his gf wll get all the space she needs to process her pain and confusion too. I hope everything works out for the both of them
Thanks peggy, I also hope so. But right now he needs to come out of his misery and work on the relationship. He deserves a chance to explain himself and then if she still decides to dump him then he should work on himself. So right now I needs ideas to help him. |
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So right now I have ideas like going with a musical sorry note delivery or singing group or involving my gf to talk to her.
Well not sure Disney land will work or just going and talking to her would help..any others |
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Yes guys any other idea which can help in making her understand and listen to him
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Tomorrow I am going to LA to help my friend. So I have just 1 day for your help so if you have any better idea give it today.
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Make him watch with her by his side...Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America".....it is the ideal movie...because its the same situation.....with happy ending too....
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Jimmy you're under a FALSE impression that if he does 'something cute' she'll come running back and want to hear him out....
it sucks he's on suicide watch, but honestly this sounds more like a ploy to 'keep her' and it doesn't sound like she's buying it..."I can't live without you, go ahead leave I'll just kill myself...." or other variations, I watched shipmates stay with complete wrecks because the didn't want to be the ones responsible for someone else's death..... it's a manipulation tactic, so is lying for a year, I'd be willing to bet he's controlling of her as well, normally someone if leading a double life (regardless of intentions) they tend to be hyper focused on their significant other, mistrusting (he didnt trust her for a year), snooping (I would almost guarantee this one),, etc... the guy had issues, and NEEDS counseling from a PROFESSIONAL |
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hmmmmmmm
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any relationship built on bases of lie don't go far relationship breaks
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for me lying is not good. i believe that even for a small things or situation you tell a lie..what more.if its about much.bigger right? so thats why at the very begginning you must tell.the truth..its there decision now.if they still wanna be with you or not. atleast your conscience is clear.
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a Leopard doesn't change his spots... once a liar always a liar... why tell a white lie to start with anyway...
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things wont get pretty if someone found out bout it. but so far, i dont think it was a good idea to lie
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Jimmy you're under a FALSE impression that if he does 'something cute' she'll come running back and want to hear him out.... it sucks he's on suicide watch, but honestly this sounds more like a ploy to 'keep her' and it doesn't sound like she's buying it..."I can't live without you, go ahead leave I'll just kill myself...." or other variations, I watched shipmates stay with complete wrecks because the didn't want to be the ones responsible for someone else's death..... it's a manipulation tactic, so is lying for a year, I'd be willing to bet he's controlling of her as well, normally someone if leading a double life (regardless of intentions) they tend to be hyper focused on their significant other, mistrusting (he didnt trust her for a year), snooping (I would almost guarantee this one),, etc... the guy had issues, and NEEDS counseling from a PROFESSIONAL Yep. |
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Well things went great. She agreed to listen to him and all the hardwork atlast paid.Now I am waiting for his update on the discussion he had with her but my work is mostly done I guess. Now all I can hope for the best and let luck play its part.
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Edited by
Jimmy_roy
on
Mon 08/01/16 08:28 PM
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Jimmy you're under a FALSE impression that if he does 'something cute' she'll come running back and want to hear him out.... it sucks he's on suicide watch, but honestly this sounds more like a ploy to 'keep her' and it doesn't sound like she's buying it..."I can't live without you, go ahead leave I'll just kill myself...." or other variations, I watched shipmates stay with complete wrecks because the didn't want to be the ones responsible for someone else's death..... it's a manipulation tactic, so is lying for a year, I'd be willing to bet he's controlling of her as well, normally someone if leading a double life (regardless of intentions) they tend to be hyper focused on their significant other, mistrusting (he didnt trust her for a year), snooping (I would almost guarantee this one),, etc... the guy had issues, and NEEDS counseling from a PROFESSIONAL He was my best friend so I am quite sure I know him and he is not at all that kind of a guy. He is a rich, handsome guy with an open mind so snooping or cheating is not in his DNA. Mistrust or fear what ever we say it was his mistake and it was in past. Now the focus is on making it work and giving him a chance, if she still feel that it is not going to work then let them break up properly. All I could do is give him a chance and see how thing goes 
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Edited by
Jimmy_roy
on
Tue 08/02/16 01:47 PM
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Great news, she is okay but need some time to forgive him completely. Looks like real love overcomes all lies and issues
  
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Depends on the lie or not telling the full story.
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What's that old saying, tell the truth and you only have to tell it once, tell a lie and you have to keep lying? Something like that.
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hi
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hi sexy
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hy
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